


Going Home

by ReedBalloon



Category: Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-11-28
Packaged: 2018-08-22 02:17:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8268947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReedBalloon/pseuds/ReedBalloon
Summary: "How about this," Carmilla suggested, standing up, "each time we see each other and you deem to speak to me you get one question that I'll answer with the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

  Laura wasn't matching Carmilla's grin. "Why did you leave?"

  "That question's banned." 
Carmilla was gone for eight years. Laura was angry for all that time.





	1. Chapter 1

Laura sat with back against the wall in the bookstores backroom. Perry sat beside her, torn between offering comfort or letting the silence linger.

"Laura," she tried. "Say something."

"What the hell does she think, showing up here after all this time?"

Anger. There was always some wondering about which emotion Laura would show if Carmilla ever returned home again.

"You should talk to her."

Laura snorted. "I have nothing to say."

Perry, who had been there eight years ago when Carmilla left and had comforted Laura more times than she cares to remember, couldn't help but sympathise.

The storeroom door burst open and they both jumped. Lafontaine grinned at them apologetically.

"Karnstein’s back," they said unnecessarily.

"We know,"

"Did she see me?"

"Considering you tripped over books twice and knocked over a display table, yeah, you caught her attention." Laf shrugged at Perry, who glared disapprovingly. "She was looking for you, L."

"I don’t want to see her."

"She said you'd say that. She also said that she's staying in town for a while, and in desperate need of reading material. Given that you’re the only bookshop in town..."

Laura groaned and leant her head on her knees. "I'm not going to ever speak to her."

"It’s like she's psychic. She said you'd say that too. She's going to keep showing up until you speak to her."

"Then she's going to have a long wait."

Perry caught the knowing look in Lafontaine's eyes. "Something tells me she's willing to do just that," she said softly.

//

_They hated each other. That’s what they always said. Since the beginning of high school, when Carmilla had embarrassed Laura by correcting her answer in English and Laura had got her own back in math, they had been enemies._

_"You didn't have to call my interpretation 'utter tripe', you know."_

_"You didn't to point out to Donaldson I was copying your answers."_

_"You were!"_

_"What can I say, I don't like math.  Figured sitting next to you would be good for something."_

_"You're mean."_

_"Can I copy your homework?"_

_"No!"_

_Carmilla had smirked and stalked away. Laura later found her in the library, copying from Laura's answer sheet._

_"What the hell?" She snatched it from Carmilla._

_"Always close your bag, cutie. Nimble fingers." She wiggled her finger and raised an eyebrow, smirking even more when Laura blushed. She had decided then, from that moment, that she hated Carmilla and they were enemies._

_It didn't stop her heart from breaking when Carmilla left town without a word five years later._

//

It wasn't like Carmilla had expected a fanfare. Or any kind of positive reaction really. But watching Laura trip over books and upend a stand Perry had probably taken ages to construct had brought back the familiar humour and fondness she had spent eight years carefully repressing. It was quickly replaced by guilt and hurt as Laura threw herself through the door to avoid her.

Laf had been more welcoming, but didn't look thrilled to see her. They had been friends, once, sort off, through Laura's doing and not her own, but still friends. Carmilla had told them she'd keep coming back until Laura talked to her, and they'd promised to relay the message.

Instead of words she got a glare when Carmilla entered the book shop Laura had taken over running from her father. Apparently a day hadn't been enough for Laura to entertain the idea of talking to her.

"Hey, cupcake. Long time no see."

The glare Laura sent her way was enough to terrify the most hardened soul. But Carmilla had spent five years being glared at by Laura Hollis, and had built up an immunity.

Laura turned around without a word and stalked to the backroom. Perry emerged a moment later, having the decency to look a bit sheepish.

"Hello, Carmilla." The greeting was formal and polite. She had never gotten along with Perry the way she had with Laf, but Perry had once seen her at her lowest, and that was hard to forget.

"Hi, Perry. How have you been?"

"I've been well." Carmilla noticed a ring on her left hand, matching the one she had spotted on Lafontaine. Perry caught her looking. "They proposed last year."

"Good. They've been wanting to do that since we were fifteen. When's the big day?"

"Six months."

Carmilla nodded.

"Laura won’t talk to you."

"It’s a small town." Too small for Carmilla in the end. "Can't avoid me forever."

"How long are you here for?"

Carmilla shrugged. "I've moved back into my old house. Mother left it to William in the end, but..."

"I heard. I'm sorry, Carmilla."

"Yeah. So now it’s mine."

"Why did you come back?" It wasn't an accusation, just a question.

"I have to sort out some things. There's a lot of open ends, now that Will's..." She drifted off again, not daring say it.

"Is that a lie?" Perry asked gently.

Carmilla couldn't but grin. "Maybe. Do you have the new Stephen King?" Perry handed it over and Carmilla paid. "I'm going to read it over there. Tell Laura that the owner can't hide in the back forever, and this is a really big book."

//

It turns out that the owner can't stay outback all day, but can ignore the only customer sitting at the reading tables.

"You can't keep this up, cutie."

Laura glared in a way that said yes, she can.

"How about if I talked and you listened?"

Laura made a show of putting her fingers in her ears.

"Mature. Laura, come on." Carmilla stood and tried to get her attention.

"Move." Carmilla felt the prickle of hurt. The first word Laura had said to her in eight hears had been a demand filled with so much anger. She stepped aside.

“Aren’t you even going to ask why I’m back? Everyone else has.”

“Everyone else cares.”

Carmilla snorted. “I doubt that.” Her family had been hated in the town and she knew it. “I’ve also been getting a lot of condolences.”

That stopped Laura in her tracks. “That’s low,” she murmured.

“I know,” conceded Carmilla. “But perseverance obviously isn’t working. Now I’m edging for manipulation.”

Laura looked at her, into the eyes she had forced herself to forget. Despite Carmilla’s small smile, they looked impossible sad. “Will didn’t deserve what happened to him. You didn’t deserve what happened to him.”

“Most people go for the ‘I’m sorry for your loss’”

“I know how much that doesn’t work.” Laura turned away and started sorted books.

Carmilla put her book in her bag and threw it over her shoulder. "I'll be back tomorrow," she told Laura's turned back. "And until you talk to me."

“You’re going to have a long wait,” Laura promised.

//

_Having been home-schooled for most of her formative years, starting high school made Carmilla's stomach stir. Her mother had wanted her and her siblings to get a proper education, meaning the education she approved of, but also needed her children to get along with other. Integrate, she called it._

_As she had only ever had her siblings for company, and they had three years between them and her either side, she found the company of kids her own age unnerving. She was awkward and slightly shy, and she transformed that to apathy and disinterest._

_Laura had been pointing out problems in Shelley's work when Carmilla had snorted the first day. She forgot, momentarily, that this wasn’t Will or Mattie she was mocking, but by then the whole class was looking at her and it wasn't like she could back down. She recounted a point her tutors had taught her years ago, and the glare and red face she received had made her smile._

_Later, when she was late to math and had to take a seat by Laura as it was all that was left, she was ignored completely. The numbers weren’t making sense, as they never did. An innocent glance at Laura's paper to see if she was having the same trouble resulted in a warning for copying and a smug look from Laura._

_Stealing her homework had been too easy to resist, and even though she still couldn't understand, she could understand enough to copy them._

_Laura seemed to decide from then on that they were enemies. Carmilla was more than happy to oblige. Partly because Laura was stuck up and smug in a way that grated on her, but mostly because it amused her greatly to get on her nerves._

//

The next day Carmilla found arms encircling her as she headed to the bookstore. If she hadn't recognised the cry of "C-dog!" she would have started breaking fingers.

"Get off me, Kirsch."

Kirsch put her down and stepped back, same stupid grin he always had on his face.

"I heard you were back."

"Yup."

"Bit hurt you didn't come say hello."

"Been busy."

"Trying to get Laura to talk to you."

"How do you know she's not talking to me?"

"Laf told me."

"Is nothing sacred?"

"I missed you."

Carmilla looked into those big honest eyes and it reminded her it wasn't just Laura she left all those years ago.

"Whatever, loser." She punched him on the shoulder, a small smile playing on her lips. "I'm going to be late. Yesterday Laura ignored me for four hours. Let’s see how she does with seven."

"Good luck."

"You still at the mechanics?"

"Yeah."

"I'll stop by."

"You have a car?"

"To see you, moron."

Kirsch beamed. "You totally missed me too."

"Fuck off."

//

Laura stared at Carmilla from the counter. She had finished Stephen King and had purchased an anthology of short stories, served to her by Perry as Laura refused, and seated herself in the same seat. For the third day.

Having enough, Laura stormed over and slammed her book shut, causing Carmilla to jump.

"You need to leave."

"I paid for that."

"Now."

"Shouldn't kick out a customer for a good reason, cutie."

"Shouldn't leave without one either. But you did."

Carmilla nodded. "I deserved that."

"Why are you back, Carmilla?"

Carmilla smiled at her sadly. "I can't tell you that."

"Why?"

"Because I'll lie."

"You're still the same, aren't you?"

"Don't say that like it's a bad thing."

"Whatever you want to talk about I don’t want to hear. I don’t want an apology."

"I think I've gone past an apology."

"Then what? Forgiveness?"

"Nope."

"Then why?"

"How about this," Carmilla suggested, standing up, "each time we see each other and you deem to speak to me you get one question that I'll answer with the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

Laura wasn't matching Carmilla’s grin. "Why did you leave?"

"That questions banned."

“Where’s Ell?”

“Also banned.”

"You won’t lie?"

"Not for one question."

"Were you ever happy here?"

Carmilla smiled sadly. "Sometimes."

"When?"

"What part of one question did you miss?"

"Whatever. I'm kicking you out."

"Fine. But only because I have somewhere to be."

//

_The cat had gone into the woods near the edge of town, and Laura had hurtled along after it. She always saw herself as dedicated, and she was going to stroke the small black tom if it killed her._

_It just might, she realised, as she progressed further into the unfamiliar woods. But she was nothing if not tenacious, and carried on anyway._

_She followed the car through a bush and emerged into a garden with a pool. Her eyes went from the pool, to a pair of legs dipped in the pool, then to Carmilla Karnstein wearing an expression caught between amusement and confusion._

_She found no cat._

_“Hello, cupcake.”_

_“Hello.”_

_Laura went for casual, standing up straight and casting her eyes around. A stretch of grass reached further than the length of her own house, and a huge mansion stood near the pool._

_“What brings you here?”_

_Laura shrugged and murmured._

_“I didn’t catch that, cutie.”_

_“I was chasing a cat.”_

_“Why?” Carmilla sounded far too amused for Laura’s liking._

_“What are you doing here?”_

_“It’s my house.”_

_Laura’s eyes snapped to her in surprise. “You live here?”_

_“Where did you think I live?”_

_“Never really thought about it.”_

_“Most people know where the Karnstein’s live.”_

_Laura shrugged. “Did you see the cat?”_

_“No I have not seen the cat. Do you need help getting back?”_

_Laura scoffed. “I know my way around.”_

_“Is that why you chased a cat into a stranger’s garden?”_

_“I can get back.” She started walking._

_“It’s quicker that way.”_

_“I don't think I asked.”_

_Carmilla narrowed her eyes. “You always seem so nice.”_

_“Because I am.”_

_“I’m not getting that.”_

_“You stole my homework.”_

_“Five weeks ago.”_

_“You copy me in class.”_

_“I’m one of the cool kids, I can’t study.”_

_“What are you doing out here?”_

_“I like the peace.”_

_Laura watched Carmilla carefully, her legs dangling in the water and hands gripping the edge of the pool. She looked apprehensive, and far away from peace._

_“Whatever,” Carmilla kicked some water towards where Laura was standing, causing her to complain and step back. “Private property. Go chase pussy somewhere else.”_

_“You’re disgusting.”_

_“That was funny.”_

//

The mechanics were just as she remembered, hot and sticky and full of men. A couple she recognised from high school, and judging by the looks she got they remembered her to. Carmilla could never be accused of being too nice to people she deemed idiotic.

“C-dog!” Except Kirsch. That idiot had gotten through to her somehow. Again, she blamed Laura.

“Put a shirt on, man.”

“Sorry.” He grinned sheepishly as he pulled on a t-shirt that may have once been white. “How did operation perseverance go?”

“Well, I’m standing here talking to you, so guess.”

“Sorry, dude.”

Carmilla shrugged. “She hasn’t thrown anything at me yet.”

“Keeping a positive outlook.”

His grin was infectious, and Carmilla couldn’t help but smile back. “I’m starving. Want to get a burger?”

//

“I can’t believe this place is still open.”

“There was a small health scare.”

“How small?”

“Small enough that people still eat here.”

“Rats?”

“No.”

“Cockroaches?”

“Gross.”

“Do I want to know what’s in the burgers?”

“Did you ever?”

Carmilla shook her head, only pausing momentarily before she started eating again. Kirsch had insisted on paying, despite Carmilla reminding him of that Karnstein fortune she was the sole heir of, and she was actually enjoying his company, something she would never admit to him.

“Look who deemed herself worthy to return.” Joey’s voice cut through any enjoyment she may be having. She glanced behind her and rolled her eyes.

“Is that the same baseball cap you wore in high school, Joey?”

“Shove off, Joe.”

“Now don’t be like that, Kirsch,” He clapped Kirsch on the back, sinking into the third seat on their table. “Just thought I’d welcome Karnstein back to the neighbourhood. After all, you left so suddenly and without saying goodbye.”

“Joey.” Kirsch warned, but Joey just smiled. In the years since Carmilla had been him apparently Joey Johnson had gone from high school bully to bar bully. Given Kirsch’s size, she was sure he could take Joey in a fight, but given Joey’s entourage she was sure Kirsch would get his ass kicked.

“It’s fine,” she said to him.

“Hear that, Kirsch. It’s fine. Let me buy you a drink, Karnstein.”

“Go fuck yourself with a snooker cue, Johnson.”

The grin faltered slightly, but Joey recovered. “We used to be friends.”

“No. We didn’t.”

“Did you know your little brother cried when you left?”

Carmilla was out her seat and grabbing Joey by the collar before Kirsch could stop her. “Don’t you dare.”

“Two sisters abandoning him. Must have hurt.”

Carmilla pulled back to punch him but Kirsch grabbed her and pulled away. “He’s not worth it, Carm,” he said quietly. She shoved Kirsch off her.

“And don’t even get me started on Hollis.”

This time she did punch him. Kirsch pulled her from the bar before she could do it again. Then he started laughing, Carmilla confused look only making him laugh harder.

“Feels just like old times,” he explained. Carmilla smiled ruefully, and couldn’t help but laugh as well.

//

_"You're failing math?"_

_"I'm below average."_

_"You're failing math."_

_"It isn't easy, mother."_

_"William seems to disagree."_

_Her mother frowned over the letter she had received from Donaldson. It told how Carmilla was underachieving in every aspect of the subject._

_"So now you need a tutor."_

_"Yes.”_

_"A student."_

_"It says it all there."_

_"I'll get you one myself."_

_"You can't. They've already been assigned. I have no choice."_

_"I don't like the idea of a student teaching you. You're smarter than them, Carmilla."_

_"Not in this.”_

_“You're just not trying hard enough. You'll get this tutor and you'll pass this damn subject."_

_"That’s the idea." Carmilla muttered._

_"What was that?"_

_"Yes of course, mother."_

_Carmilla went into school the next day to be introduced to her tutor. Laura Hollis's smile faded as soon as Carmilla walked in, and she began to debate whether it would be worth the extra credit she_   _would_   _receive._

 


	2. Chapter 2

Carmilla didn’t return to the bookstore the following day. Instead she went to the local café to find herself a job. Though part of it was due to finding herself bored in the small town, the other part was remembering that Laura had developed a caffeine habit their second year of high school and was hoping she hadn’t yet kicked it.

Bernie still owned the coffee shop, and he was kind and jovial and cynical enough that he always had a soft spot for Carmilla. He offered her a job, with the condition that she’s nice to at least three quarters of the customers she served. She attempted to haggle him down to two, but he was adamant.

Laura walked in early the next morning, and Carmilla thanked past her for introducing the girl to extra strong lattes. She looked like she planned to walk straight out again, but Lafontaine whispered something in her ear, and she stalked up to the counter.

“How can I help you?”

“You’ve never worked a day in your life.”

“When’s the time to start if not when you’re twenty six?”

“Two lattes,” said Laf, interrupting them, “And a cookie.”

“Chocolate chip?” Carmilla guessed.

“You know it.”

As she sorted out their drinks, then enquired into their mornings. Laf answered politely, while Laura just glared.

“What happened to your hand?”

“Joey Johnson was talking shit.”

Lafontaine laughed. “History does repeat itself.”

Carmilla glanced at Laura, who was looking stonily at the display counter. “So they say. I’m trying here, cupcake,” Carmilla said quietly, handing over the drinks and cookie.

“No one’s asking you to.” She snatched the bag off Carmilla. Laf smiled apologetically as they followed after her.

Three hours later, as Carmilla was half way through breaking for lunch, Laura came back in.

“Where did you live?” she demanded.

Carmilla froze half way between eating. “What?”

“Wait. No. Hold on.” Laura thought furiously for a moment.

“You okay there?”

“Shut up. Did you stay wherever it was you went to when you left, and if not where have you been living?”

“Pretty sure that’s two questions.”

“It’s one question with two answers.”

“Do you want to sit down?”

Laura looked at the chair in question like it had asked her something difficult. “No,” she eventually decided.

“We went straight to New York. Lived there ever since.”

“With Ell?”

“You really need to get your head around this one question business. Why don’t you come back when I’m closing up? Ask then.”

“What makes you think I want to do that?”

Carmilla shrugged. “If we don’t have hope, what do we have?”

//

Laura returned at five, as Carmilla was cleaning the tables and putting away the chairs. She smiled at Laura.

“Hey, cupcake. How was your day?”

“Fine.”

“You used to talk a lot more.”

“I used to do a lot of things.”

“Do you want to help?” She offered the rag.

“Nope.”

“Ask away.”

“I thought Ell was off limits.”

“Find a way around it. You wanted to be a journalist once, if I remember.” Carmilla didn’t bother asking what happened to that dream. She knew exactly what happened. “Sit down if you want. Try not to step on anything that looks wet. I hate mopping.”

Laura sat on a dry table. “Who have you lived with so far?”

Carmilla smiled in approval. “I lived with Ell for two years after we left. It was fine. Nice. Then things started to change between us. We stopped living together after that.” Carmilla was purposefully vague, and grateful Laura stayed silent. “Then I was on my own for a bit. Then I got a place with a friend.”

“A friend?”

“I have friends. No need to sound so shocked.”

“Does your friend know you’re here or did you leave them without notice too?”

Carmilla looked at Laura long enough to make her feel a small amount of guilt.

“Sorry,” she murmured.

“That wasn’t fair.”

“I have a small amount of bitterness.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“Why did you get a job?” she asked instead of pushing Carmilla for information she knew she wouldn’t give.

“Big house. Not much to do in it.”

“You’re staying in your house?”

Carmilla shrugged. “It was left to me. It’s all I’ve got at the moment.”

Silence lapsed between them, as Carmilla cleaned and Laura thought. Finally, Carmilla broke it.

“How about a truce?”

“A truce?” Laura moved out the way as Carmilla reached her table to clean.

“I don’t expect forgiveness yet. Maybe I’ll never get it. But I will be sticking around. And I don’t want to make your life harder, Laura. I didn’t come here to drag up bad feelings for you or stop you from doing anything. If you don’t want me to serve you, I won’t. If you want me to stay away from Laf and Perry, I will. Whatever it is you want just tell me, and I’ll try to do it. But I can’t do this anymore.”

“I don’t want those things,” Laura said quietly. “I want to stop being so angry at you.”

“But you can’t,” Carmilla smiled sadly, “And I get that. But we can try for a truce. We’ve done it once before.”

Laura was silent for a moment, before nodding. Carmilla’s smile became less sad.

//

_"Just read the question."_

_"Just tell me the answer."_

_"That isn't how this works."_

_Carmilla ignored the question Laura was trying to show her, choosing instead to poke fun at every aspect of Laura's room._

_"Are you sure you have enough Doctor Who merchandise?"_

_"Pay attention."_

_"There might still be ten year olds you haven't deprive yet."_

_"Carmilla!"_

_Carmilla sulked and flopped down opposite Laura on the floor. "It doesn't matter. Give me the answers."_

_"No. I have to teach you."_

_"And a splendid job you’re doing.”_

_"Just read the question."_

_"I can't."_

_"You're not even looking."_

_"Because I know I can't."_

_Frustration was making way for tears as Carmilla blatantly refused to cooperate._

_"Why are you like this?" Laura stormed out the room and downstairs before Carmilla saw the tears. She stomped into the kitchen where her mother was preparing lunch._

_"Sweetie?"_

_"She's impossible."_

_"What's wrong?"_

_"She says she can't understand the numbers. She won’t even try."_

_Her mother kissed her on the forehead and told her to get some cookies, before heading upstairs and to Laura's room. She knocked and entered, finding Carmilla with her back against the bed staring at a sheet of paper._

_"I didn't mean to make her cry."_

_"I believe you."_

_Sarah offered Carmilla a cookie, which she refused, before sitting down next to her._

_“I just don’t understand it,” she said quietly._

_Sarah nodded. “It’s harder for some than others.”_

_"Mother says I'm not trying hard enough."_

_"That's not true. But there are other ways you can try. Do you mind if I get Laura so she can help?"_

_"I really didn't mean to make her cry."_

_Laura and her mother spent the afternoon coming up with ways for Carmilla to understand what is being asked of her. If Laura offered Carmilla more cookies after feeling guilty for being so hard on her, she chose to ignore it._

_"This doesn't make us friends," she told Carmilla as she was leaving._

_"Oh thank god."_

_"And you still need to do more work before the test."_

_"Your words are as encourage as ever, teach."_

_"Goodbye, Carmilla."_

_"See you, Laura."_

//

“Laura?” Perry peered around the storeroom door to where Laura was stacking books, looking contemplative. “Are you okay?” Laura shrugged, not having much of an answer. “Lafontaine said you and Carmilla have reached some sort of understanding.”

“A truce,” Laura said. “Though I don’t really know what that means.”

“I think it’s good.”

Laura nodded. “I’m not so sure, but I hope so.” She smiled at Perry, who returned it, hoping her friend would return to her usual high spirits.

“I would like to ask you something.”

“Shoot.”

“Lafontaine and I were considering inviting Carmilla around for dinner one night.”

“Okay.”

“Would you be okay with that?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I’m going to assume that’s a rhetorical question.”

Laura sighed. “Even if I wasn’t okay with it, that shouldn’t stop you. But it’s fine. She was your friend too. You should get to spend time with her.”

“Would you like to join us?” Laura stopped stacking, her grip tightening on a book. “Your truce, remember.”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

“I’m making my stuffed peppers.”

“With cheese?”

“What else.”

“Maybe I could swing by.”

//

Carmilla stood outside Perry and Lafontaine’s house, full off apprehension and a small amount of whiskey. Perry had invited her to dinner, bribing her with the promise of stuffed peppers, then blindsided her with the news Laura would also be there. She wanted to talk to Laura, wanted to earn back some sort of relationship with her, but encounters so far had been brief and far from amicable. This encounter would be lengthy, and with people, and it set Carmilla’s nerves racing.

She knocked and Perry answered, wearing an apron and looking frantic.

“Laf blow something up again?” Carmilla asked as Perry took the wine she offered.

“I asked them to heat the mushrooms. They used a Bunsen burner.”

Carmilla grinned as she was led inside. It faltered slightly as she saw Laura, but she recovered and plastered it back on.

“Hey,” she greeted her.

Laura nodded her own greeting. “Hey.”

There was silence until Lafontaine burst from the kitchen. “I knew it would work. Mushrooms are heated. Hi, Carmilla.”

“How’s it going, nerd?”

“I’m revolutionising cooking.”

“Glad to hear it.”

Perry followed Laf into the kitchen, complaining worriedly the whole time, leaving Laura and Carmilla to stand awkwardly.

“Do you want a drink?”

“How was your day?”

They both spoke over each other. Then fell back into silence.

“Any way we can make this not awkward?” ventured Carmilla.

“One of us could leave?” It wasn’t said unkindly, and it made Carmilla smile.

“I’m kind of committed to these stuffed peppers.”

“It’s the main reason I came.”

“You mean this uncomfortable and slightly embarrassing silence just isn’t doing it for you?”

Laura smiled and shook her head. “We have a truce, remember.”

“We do.”

“We can make this not awkward.”

“I hope so.”

Dinner bordered on awkward for a few moments, before the four of them fell into conversation that became easier. A few times Laura and Carmilla made the other laugh, and though they didn’t talk directly, it was a start.

Carmilla was half way through a story when her phone rang. She froze mid-sentence, before frantically fumbling for it before launching herself from her seat and rushing out ‘Sorry about this’ and ‘Excuse me for a moment’. She hadn’t even made it to the door before it stopped ringing. Carmilla looked down at it accusatorily. “Shit.”

The three at the table sat staring at her. Carmilla’s attention was brought back by Perry’s polite cough. Carmilla ran her hands through her hair, slightly embarrassed at her reaction.

“Sorry,” she said, pocketing the phone. “That might have been important.”

“We gathered.” Laf received a smack on the arm by Perry.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Carmilla said distractedly. “If it’s important they’ll call back.” She noticed the way Laura was staring stonily at her foot. “What?” she demanded, slightly harshly.

Laura glanced at. “Nothing.”

“Doesn’t look like nothing.”

“Leave it.”

“What’s that look?”

“I said forget it.”

“It wasn’t who you thought.”

“And who did I think?”

“Ell.”

Laura’s expression turned dangerous. “Don’t go there.”

“That’s your Ell face. It wasn’t her. And I don’t have to explain myself.”

“I never said you did!” Laura stood up sharply.

“I don’t like your expression.”

“Then I’ll save you the trouble of looking at it.”

Laura stormed out, pushing past Carmilla as she left.

“Shit, Laura.” Carmilla called after her. She looked at Lafontaine and Perry, still at the table, and called back to them as she left. “I’m sorry about that. I missed you guys. I’m sorry.” She caught up to Laura, marching down the road away from the house. “Hollis, wait. Stop.” Laura didn’t, and Carmilla jogged to catch up with her. She grabbed her arm, and Laura wrenched herself away.

“Don’t touch me.”

Carmilla backed off, hands held up in surrender. “I’m sorry.”

“That was uncalled for.”

“I know.” Carmilla said sincerely. “I’m sorry. I got defensive.”

“When were you happy?”

Carmilla frowned. “What?”

“You said you were happy here sometimes. When was that?”

“Why are you asking me this now?”

“Answer the question.”

“Whenever I was with you.”

Laura closed her eyes and let out a long breath. “You can’t say things like that,” she said quietly.

“You wanted to truth.”

Laura snorted.

“You knew I’d say that.” Carmilla said with a small smile.

“It’s a very you answer.”

“I really am sorry.”

“Me too.”

“This truce is going well.”

“Who was on the phone?”

“I can’t tell you. I will, I promise, but I can’t. Not now.”

Laura looked at her, seeing how earnest her eyes were, begging her to understand. Carmilla had always had an undercurrent of sadness to her, a darkness that Laura had longed to make brighter, and it seemed time hadn’t changed that. If anything the sadness was more pressing, and Carmilla made more effort to try and tame it.

“Okay,” she said finally.

“Thank you.”

“Do you want to go back?”

“Still thinking about those stuffed peppers?”

Laura smiled and nodded. They were about to walk when Carmilla’s phone rang again. She looked to Laura in a small panic.

“It’s okay,” Laura said finally. “I’ll meet you there.” She was stopped from walking away by Carmilla touching her arm.

“Laura.”

“Honestly. It’s okay. Answer it.”

Carmilla searched her eyes, but she looked sincere. She nodded her gratefulness.

“Hello,” she answered once Laura was out of earshot, still watching her walk away.

“Karnstein. I rang earlier but something came up.”

“Yeah. Is everything okay?” Carmilla’s voice was calm but her heart was racing.

“You asked for an update on Lawrence’s condition if anything came up. She woke earlier today, very briefly, but it’s a promising start.”

The rushing in Carmilla’s ears settled slightly. “She woke up?” she asked, not daring hope.

“Briefly,” the nurse assured her, “but this is good news.”

“Thanks for letting me know.”

“You’re the one paying me.”

After hanging up on the nurse, Carmilla allowed herself to smile.

//

_An urgent tapping on her shoulder made Carmilla pause mid conversation with Will. Laura loomed over her, practically buzzing with excitement._

_“Did you get it?”_

_“Syphilis?”_

_“I know you got it. I got mine.”_

_“Are we still talking about syphilis?”_

_“Stop trying to be funny. Your math results. Donaldson gave them out. What did you get?”_

_“Oh that.” Carmilla faced Will again, “I haven’t looked yet.”_

_“She’s afraid.”_

_“Shut it, William. I haven’t got round to it.”_

_“Because she’s afraid.”_

_“Will, I swear.”_

_Laura stuck her hand out, making Carmilla jump. “I’ll look at them if you won’t.”_

_“I’ll get round to it.”_

_“When she’s not afraid.”_

_“You sleep in the room next to mine, remember that.”_

_Laura’s hand was still outstretched and she wiggled her fingers. “If you don’t care you won’t mind me looking.”_

_Sensing a challenge, Carmilla handed over the unopened envelope and feigned disinterest. Laura slipped it open and hummed._

_“Well.”_

_Laura glanced at Carmilla. “Well what?”_

_“How did I do?”_

_“Admit that you care.”_

_“Hollis.”_

_Laura smirked as she returned the paper to the envelope and gave it to Will. He nodded as he read it, wearing the same blank expression Laura did._

_“You two are the worst. Fine, I care. Tell me.”_

_Laura’s arms were suddenly encircling her, pulling her to her feet. “You passed!” she screeched excitedly._

_“You got a C,” said Will, ever the realist._

_“It’s a pass,” Laura waved a hand, dismissing it, “See, I knew you could do it.”_

_Carmilla couldn’t help but smile. She’d never once been anything but terrible at math. Now she was almost average._

_“Mother will be proud.” Will grinned as Carmilla gave him a look. “Okay, fine, mother will be very close to satisfied.”_

_“Thank you,” Carmilla said to Laura sincerely. “I mean it.”_

_“You weren’t easy.”_

_“She never is.”_

_“And we still have a lot more work to do.”_

_Carmilla rolled her eyes. “Well as long as I have you two cheerleaders.”_

 


	3. Chapter 3

A framed picture of her smiling brother was on the library wall. Next to it was a picture of him in his army uniform, and below it wilting flowers that may have once been nice. Carmilla wasn’t sure what it was meant to make her feel, but she embraced numbness.

“He’d have hated it,” she said to Kirsch.

“Yup,” he agreed. “But I think it was more for us than him.”

“Do you think if I got blown up they’d put a picture of me on the wall?”

“Carmilla.”

“Ignore that. It’s nice. He’d have hated it. But it’s nice.”

“Should I not have shown you it?”

“No, I’m glad you did. The town really wanted to do something to commemorate him?”

“Everyone was proud. One of our own fighting for our country.”

Carmilla nodded, still encased in numbness. She’d done all the crying she could. “He looks good in that picture though. He would have liked that. The Karnstein’s are shallow people.”

Kirsch grinned and nudged her with his shoulder. He continued through the shelves of the library, and Carmilla took one last look at Will before going after him.

“You hate reading,” she told Kirsch as he flicked through the classics section. “You thought H.G Wells was a rapper.”

“I’m taking a night class,” he said it like it was a confession, “Creative writing. Telling stories, you know. I know I’m not smart, but I like it. I have to write three short stories inspired by a Dicken’s novel.”

“Good for you,” Carmilla picked up a book and handed it to him. “A Christmas Carol. One for each ghost.”

“Nice one, dude. See, that’s why I invited you.”

“You mean it wasn’t my charming company?”

“How’s it going with Laura?”

“Better,” She followed him and he made his way to the desk, “She no longer runs at the sight of me, and I would tentatively call us associates, if not even acquaintances.”

“Who’s an acquaintance?”

Carmilla nearly tripped over at the sudden voice near her ear. Laura couldn’t help but grin from behind them.

“Hi, L,” Kirsch said over his laughter, “Here for the readings?”

“Readings?” Carmilla wondered if her heart had actually broken her ribs or if she was just imagining it.

“I help out sometimes, read to the kids and stuff.” Laura told her.

“Kids?”

“Yeah, you know. Taller than babies, slightly smaller than adults.”

“Oh, those things.”

“Do you want to come?” Carmilla’s eyebrows shot up. “If you’re not busy. Or working. Or busy working.” Carmilla had missed the babbling more than she realised.

“Nope, not busy.”

“Okay,” Laura smiled, “What book do you want to read them?”

“I have to read them a book?”

“We always need new volunteers.”

“Can’t I just watch?”

“No. Pick a book.”

“War and Peace?”

“Not that one.”

“Lolita?”

“That’s sick.”

“The autobiography of Tom Jones?”

“If you’re not going to take this seriously I’m going to take back my offer.”

//

_The cat streaked past her, and Laura hurtled after it. She realised too late it had gone into the Karnstein’s garden again, and had thrown herself through the bush before she could stop. She found Carmilla by the pool again, with the black cat rubbing itself lazily against her hand._

_Laura went from staring at Carmilla accusatorily, to staring at the cat accusatorily, then back to Carmilla._

_“It’s your cat.”_

_“Yup.” She grinned infuriatingly. Laura crossed her arms and huffed._

_“I’ve been chasing it for months. You didn’t think to mention it was your cat.”_

_“Who am I to stop someone from chasing pussy.”_

_“That joke stopped being funny two months ago.”_

_Laura stalked over and sat at the edge of the pool. She looked at the cat in betrayal, who had skulked its way to the other side of Carmilla._

_“He doesn’t like strangers. He’ll scratch you if you try and stroke him.”_

_“Sounds like his owner.”_

_“Only if you ask me nicely, cupcake.”_

_Laura turned her face to the pool, hoping to hide her blush._

_“Moo Shu.”_

_“Excuse me.”_

_“My cats name.”_

_“Like the dragon from Mulan?”_

_“Like the pork.”_

_Laura looked at Carmilla to find her looking completely serious, and couldn’t help but laugh._

_“Will named him,” she said defensively._

_“It’s cute.”_

_“I wouldn’t do that, cupcake,” Carmilla said as Laura reached towards Moo Shu. She huffed as the cat took a swipe and Laura yelped back, clutching her fingers. “What did I say?”_

_“Even your cats mean.”_

_“Let me see,” She gently took Laura’s hand as Moo Shu stalked away. “I’ll go get some wipes. Try not to bleed in my pool.”_

_Laura stared out over the vast garden as Carmilla went inside. A part of her suspected the pool was bigger than her living room._

_Carmilla returned a moment later holding a first aid kit. Laura noticed how tight her jaw was as she sat back down, though her hands remained soft as they took Laura’s._

_“Idiot,” she muttered._

_“Hey!”_

_“I told you to be careful,” Carmilla snapped. Her eyes were hard as she gently dapped at the wound._

_“Is everything okay?” Laura asked carefully._

_Carmilla said nothing for a moment. “Mother and Mattie are arguing again.”_

_“Again?”_

_Carmilla nodded. “They’ve always clashed. Mattie’s headstrong and mother’s controlling. It doesn’t make for the best combination. But it’s getting worse.”_

_“What are they arguing about?”_

_Carmilla kept her eyes on Laura’s hand as she spoke, carefully clearing away the blood and applying slight pressure to stop the bleeding. “Mattie’s being groomed to take over the business. Karnstein’s run most of the stuff in this town, and mother wants to keep it that way.”_

_“Mattie doesn’t want that?” Laura flinched as Carmilla dabbed some cream on her hand, who grimaced apologetically as she did so._

_“No. I don’t know what Mattie wants, but it doesn’t involve this town.”_

_Shouting from the house could now be heard by the two girls. Carmilla’s eyes hardened even more, and her hands shook as she wound the bandage. Laura held onto Carmilla’s hand before she could pull away._

_“If you ever wanted to talk,” she said, suddenly feeling a bit awkward that she was now holding hands with Carmilla Karnstein, “About anything. Then I’m here. I mean. I know we’re not friends. But we are kind of friends. And if you did want to talk to someone I know it probably wouldn’t be me but I’m just saying if you did I’m here. And…” Carmilla was watching her without even trying to conceal her amusement. “Most people stop me when I ramble,” she grumbled._

_“It’s just too cute, cupcake,” She sobered up as more shouting came from the house. “Thanks,” she said quietly._

_Laura beamed, taking her hand back once Carmilla released it. They both were drawn from looking at the other by a smash._

_Carmilla sighed deeply. “I’d better go split them up before some heirlooms are destroyed.”_

_“I’d better find my way back home.”_

_“Try not to get mauled,”_

//

“Did you have to tell the kids that Goldilocks is, at best, a teenage deviant, and at worse a home invader with a life of kleptomania ahead of her?”

“I didn’t want them to idolise her.”

“How about saying that if a boy is more interested in your shoes then your face he, and I quote here, probably swings for the other team.”

“How many hearts did you break by misleading boys?”

Laura coloured. “None. You’re going to scar the children.”

“I did tell them the merits of Red Riding Hood.”

“Always be on the side of the person with an axe is not a valuable lesson, Carmilla.”

“But an accurate one.”

Carmilla’s stint as story reader had been, in her opinion, quite successful. The children agreed, even if the parents and Laura didn’t.

“So when do I get to do it again?”

“Never,” Laura said, paying for their coffee at the library café, “Never again.”

“I’ve got a great bit about how the three little pigs are the true villains.”

“Never. Again.”

Carmilla laughed. It was cut short when a sandwich was thrown in front of her and the server stormed off.

“Is it me or is service really going downhill.”

“It’s Mrs Johnson,” Laura said, helping herself to half. “You did sucker punch her son.”

Carmilla shrugged. “Totally deservedly, I might add.”

“What did he say?”

“Just some shit about Will. It’s not important.”

“Ah.”

“Went to see the nice memorial thing they’ve got here for him.”

“He’d have hated it.”

“He would have.”

“He looks good in the photo though. He’d have liked that.”

Carmilla grinned. “He would have.”

There was a moment of silence, not awkward, just slightly heavy as they both ate.

“Tell me something happy,” Carmilla said.

“My dad wants you to come round.”

“I said something happy.”

“He doesn’t hate you, Carm.”

“Are you sure about that?” asked Carmilla, ignoring the jump in her chest at the nickname.

“Dinner one night.”

“Will you be there?”

“Yes, Carmilla, I did not just invite you on a date with my dad.”

“How is he?”

Laura shrugged, suddenly very interested in the sandwich. “He’s okay. Likes to pretend he’s better than he is.”

“I get that.”

“I know you do. I got him a new wheelchair for Christmas.”

“That’s a very niche gift.”

“He wants to paint flames on it but I won’t let him.”

“Spoil sport.”

“So, dinner?”

“Do you promise he doesn’t hate me?”

“Well, he doesn’t, but I wouldn’t expect a banner.”

//

_Laura’s mother opened the door when Carmilla knocked, and frowned at the girl on her doorstep this late at night._

_“Carmilla,” she asked gently, noting her darting eyes and nervous hands, “Is everything okay?”_

_“Is Laura in?” Her voice was steady despite her body looking as though it was about to pull apart._

_“She’s at Lafontaine’s. She said she’ll be back at eleven, which means half ten in Laura’s panic.” Carmilla didn’t smile, as Sarah had intended, instead looked more skittish. “Do you want to come in and wait for her?”_

_“Sarah?” Laura’s fathers voice came from the house, followed by the man himself, smiling a little confusedly at Carmilla. “Oh. Carmilla. Are you okay?”_

_“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. It’s fine. I’m sorry.” She started to back off, but Sarah called her back._

_“Carmilla, wait. Laura won’t be long. And whatever it is, if we can help we will.”_

_Sarah sounded so sincere, and both of Laura’s parents were looking at her urgently, that Carmilla found herself nodding and being shepherded into the Hollis house._

_“Do you want anything? A drink, some food?” Laura’s father cast around for a way to be helpful. “There’s a lifetime supply of cookies in Laura’s room if you want to help yourself to those.”_

_Sarah smiled at her husband fondly. He was a sturdy man, but not one you wanted in a panic. Carmilla was looking so sad, and nervous, and both had grown exceedingly fond of the girl over the year Laura has been tutoring her._

_“Why don’t you make some tea?” she suggested. Michael flashed her a grateful look and hurried to the kitchen. Sarah motioned for Carmilla to sit down._

_“You can talk to me, if you want,” she told Carmilla carefully, “Or we can watch the rest of The Chase and you can wait for Laura.”_

_“I’m failing math again,” Carmilla said quietly, not looking up from her hands, “I got another letter. My mother found it.”_

_“I thought you were doing better?”_

_“I am. I was. But then it got harder.”_

_“Did you tell Laura you were struggling?”_

_Carmilla fiddled with a cushion. “She gets so excited when I do well. I didn’t want to disappoint her.”_

_“She’s there to help you.”_

_“I know. I should have told her.”_

_“You never could disappoint her, you know that, right?”_

_Carmilla shrugged. “Mother wasn’t pleased. We had an argument. I’m sorry I ruined your night.”_

_Laura’s father came back in with three mugs. “There’s nothing to be sorry about,” he said, his wife nodding in agreement. Carmilla smiled gratefully. The mug warmed her cold hands as she took it._

_“Does your mother know where you are?” Sarah asked._

_“I’ll text Mattie. Tell her not to worry.”_

_“You’re welcome to stay here tonight.”_

_“Thank you.”_

_“Why did you argue? If you don’t mind me asking.”_

_Carmilla took a sip of tea before she answered. “She thinks I’m not reaching my full potential. I think she has some too grand ideas about my full potential. She thinks she knows what’s best for me.”_

_“Parents always do,” Sarah said._

_“Yeah?” Carmilla smiled, “What do you think is best for Laura?”_

_“You.” Sarah answered quickly and sincerely, and Carmilla nearly choked on her tea._

_“I think she might disagree.”_

_Laura’s parents just smiled at her, a bit too knowingly for Carmilla’s liking._

//

After deliberating between wine and spirits for an unreasonable amount of time, Carmilla elected for whiskey. It was more expensive, and she remembered Michael Hollis drinking it on weekends when she would be tutored by Laura. This showed her as both wealthy and thoughtful. Carmilla felt like she was on to a winner.

The confidence faded as she knocked on Laura’s house. Michael could hate her for leaving, be disappointed in her for hurting his daughter. He could have invited her over just to shout.

Laura opened the door and instantly frowned. “You look constipated.”

“You look lovely.” The response was automatic, and made Laura blush. She smiled as her nerves faded a bit. “I brought whiskey. For your dad.”

“Suck up,” Laura said, taking the bottle. She led Carmilla inside, where her dad was watching the tv. He looked up, seeing the girl that had been a permanent fixture in his life for four years, and smiled.

“Carmilla,” he greeted, wheeling over to her, “When Laura said you were back I must say I was surprised.”

“Just couldn’t stay away.”

“How have you been?”

“Not too bad. You?”

He smacked his hands on his legs. “Still haven’t got a handle on how to work these things again.” His smile remained, but Laura’s brow furrowed as she wondered around the kitchen. “But other than that I wouldn’t complain. You wouldn’t mind if I finished watching the game would you?”

Carmilla looked over to where one guy was hitting a ball thrown at him by another guy. “Go ahead. I’ll help Laura.” They both snorted, and had the decency to look at bit sheepish. “I mean,” he quickly covered. “That’ll be great.”

“You know,” Carmilla leant against the counter as she spoke, “I get the feeling you two doubt my cooking abilities.”

“Remember when you burnt soup?”

“I blame the quality of the pan.”

“And broke a handle because you made too much pasta?”

“Is there such thing?”

“What about the oven you made me set on fire trying to make brownies?”

“We were drunk. I mean,” She cast a glance over to where Michael might have been listening, “tired from all the studying.”

“As long as it wasn’t my oven,” he said over his shoulder.

Carmilla sniggered, watching Laura as she stirred a tomato sauce. “Can I help?” she offered.

Laura hesitated. “I’m cooking chicken. I don’t know if I trust you with chicken.”

“How about potatoes, do you trust me with potatoes?”

Laura made a show of considering it. “Fine. Think you can boil them?”

“In water?”

“Carmilla.”

“Just watch me.”

//

It turned out that Carmilla’s fears were unfounded. There was a point, when Laura was upstairs, when Michael confessed he had been incensed when his daughter had told him, sobbing, that Carmilla had left. But soon his own sadness at her departure and understanding of why she had gone had overcame his anger.

“Even if you hadn’t left with someone else,” he commented casually, “It still would have hurt her as much as it did.”

Carmilla had explained, urgently, that it was never about Ell. That if Laura had wanted to leave with her she would never have even looked Ell’s way. But it had turned out how it had, and now all Carmilla could do was let Laura forgive her in her own time.

“It almost feels like it did back then,” she confessed, careful in case Laura entered the room without her knowing. “But different, too.”

Michael nodded wisely, which made Carmilla smile.

After dinner Laura volunteered to drive her home. Carmilla accepted gratefully.

“Don’t be a stranger,” Michael told her seriously. She bent down, slightly awkwardly, to hug him, and Laura kissed his cheek before leading Carmilla to her car.

“That was really nice,” Carmilla said as Laura unlocked it. “Thank you for inviting me.”

Laura shrugged. “It was my dad’s idea.”

“Still. Thank you.”

The awkwardness returned momentarily as silence settled in the car, but Carmilla defused it by the age old trick of mocking Laura’s music choice.

“I see it hasn’t improved over the years,” she said, as a boyband sang about something or other.

“Not angsty enough for you?”

“No.”

“Can’t brood as effectively?”

“What goods a song if you can’t brood to it?”

“Why did you stop living with Ell?”

“What?”

They drove through the winding track that led to Carmilla’s house. Laura remembered chasing the cat through the trees, and spending warmer days with Carmilla on the grassier parts. The first time she broke her arm was from trying to climb a tree higher than Carmilla, the second because Carmilla had fallen out and Laura had acted automatically to try and catch her.

“I get a question. Your rule. Why did you not stay with Ell?”

“She broke up with me.”

“Why?”

Carmilla didn’t answer for a while, and Laura let her. Finally she spoke. “You already know the answer.”

“Maybe,” Laura said. The radio had been turned down and forgotten, “But I want to hear it anyway.”

“I can’t take it back.”

“Good.”

“She left me because she knew I would never love her the way I did you. She knew she would always be second. Because she wasn’t you, and no one would ever be you.”

Carmilla watched Laura’s jaw clench and her hands tighten on the wheel. She wished she hadn’t made Laura turn down the radio.

They arrived in front of Carmilla house and Laura killed the engine.

“Why did you leave?” Laura asked quietly.

“Because this town was destroying me. My mother wanted too much. I was no good here.”

“Nothing made you stay.”

“We wouldn’t have been good. I was no good.”

“And now? Are you good now?”

Carmilla smiled ruefully. “I wouldn’t say I’m peaking, but yeah, I’d say I was better.”

“How long will you stay?”

“Hopefully long enough for you to forgive me.”

“How do you know I haven’t already?”

“Because you ask me stuff like that.”

“I keep expecting you to leave again.”

“Dinner was nice,” Carmilla opened the car door but didn’t get out, “We should do it again.”

“My dad will be pleased.”

“I was hoping we could not invite him next time.”

Laura looked at her for the first time since they got in the car. “You mean a date?”

“If that what the kids are calling it. It’s okay,” she reassured Laura, who looked momentarily panicked, “You know where to find me. See you around, cupcake.”

Laura waited until she entered her house before letting her head fall against the steering wheel.

//

_Carmilla found Laura in the woods near her house, on the grassy patch they sometimes studied on. She kicked a pine cone at her to get her attention, smirking as it bounced off her shoulder._

_Laura was suddenly hugging her, and Carmilla wasn’t completely sure why._

_“I’m sorry I yelled,” she said into Carmilla’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t have yelled.”_

_“People yell at me a lot. It was nothing new.”_

_“I was wrong.”_

_“You were.”_

_“Did you break Joey Johnson’s nose because he was mean to me?”_

_“Someone broke Joey Johnson’s nose?”_

_Laura pulled back and Carmilla was grinning._

_“You could get in trouble.”_

_“I doubt it.”_

_“Sorry I said you didn’t care about others.”_

_“And accused me of being a self-centred jerk. Don’t forget that.”_

_“I thought you were letting your friend bully me.”_

_“I wouldn’t say he’s a friend.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“I was letting him bully you,” Carmilla admitted. “And I’m sorry. But he’ll stop now. Promise.”_

_“You want to know something.” Laura was grinning a way Carmilla didn’t like._

_“No.”_

_“We’re friends.”_

_Carmilla spun around and walked away, huffing when Laura followed._

_“Not friends.”_

_“Totally friends.”_


	4. Chapter 4

“You told her you used to love her?”

“Yes, Kirsch, I told her that.”

“What did she say?”

“Nothing. I think she panicked. So I left.”

“That must have stung.”

“Yes, Kirsch, it did.”

Kirsch had found Carmilla scowling as she cleaned up for the day. An enquiry into what was wrong had led to a broom being forced into Kirsch’s hands and an angrily told story.

“And you haven’t heard from her in four days?”

“You’re asking questions you know the answer to.”

“Am I interrupting?” Two brooms ceased and four eyes turned to Laura standing in the doorway, uncomfortable with the sudden attention. “Erm. Hello.”

“Carm was just telling me…” A broom to the stomach made Kirsch stop talking.

“Shut up, Wilson.” Carmilla stepped forward. “Everything okay, Laura?”

“I came to talk to you.”

“Right.”

Laura paused for a moment. “Alone.”

“Right.”

Carmilla followed her outside, catching Kirsch’s eye as she left. He winked, and Carmilla rolled her eyes, but it helped her feel a bit calmer.

“So,” Carmilla said, pulling her arms closer to her in the chill, “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me.”

“I have.”

“Oh.”

“Are you cold?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re shivering.”

“You’ve been avoiding me?”

“I was thrown.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you free Wednesday?” Laura shuffled her feet as she asked. She swallowed and scuffed a wrapper on the floor. “The kids at the library want you to read to them again. You were a real hit.”

“Oh.”

“And afterwards we could get dinner.”

“Oh?”

“If you want.”

“I do.”

“Great.” Laura turned away before she had even gotten the word out. “See you then.”

Carmilla watched her walk away, confusion blossoming into something more pleasant. She didn’t even mind that Kirsch was suddenly very interested in sweeping as she came back in.

“I know you were watching.”

“Is it good?”

Carmilla smiled. “Yeah, Kirsch. I think it’s good.”

//

_If she heard Jingle Bells once more, Carmilla decided, she would be the arbitrator of the first murder in Silas in sixty years. She swung her legs off the side of a rocky outcrop overlooking a river, pulling her coat closer to her in the cold and trying to ignore the faint sounds of festive cheer nearby._

_The bonfire had been Laura’s idea to drag her to, and, arriving late, Carmilla had seen her by the trees kissing Marnie Kyle like her life depended on it._

_Carmilla threw a rock into the river._

_She knew why it bothered it. She’d known for a while why it bothered her. And ignoring it hadn’t, as she had hoped, made her feelings for the girl go away._

_She threw another rock, jealous as it sunk to the bottom and she was left here._

_“Not enjoying the party?”_

_Carmilla jumped at the voice that creeped up at her. An unfamiliar girl stood behind her, blonde hair beneath a woolly hat and a bottle of something that looked extremely appealing in her hands._

_“Seems like you’ve brought the party with you,” Carmilla said. The girl grinned and held out the bottle, her grin widening as Carmilla took a swig without wincing. “You don’t live here.”_

_“I don’t. I live in New York. Visiting my aunt for the holidays.”_

_“Sounds nice.”_

_“Which part?”_

_“The not living here.”_

_“It’s not too bad. Seems quite sweet.”_

_“It’s a hellhole. But it’s nice that you’re being nice.”_

_The girl sat down next to her. Carmilla passed her back the bottle and she took a swig._

_“Not enjoying the bonfire?” the girl asked. She was pretty, very pretty actually, and was smirking at Carmilla as she drank._

_“Didn’t even want to come in the first place.”_

_“Top 40 music and sobriety chaperones just not doing it for you?”_

_“Prefer vodka and a pretty girl any day.”_

_“I’m pretty?”_

_“Like you haven’t noticed.”_

_“Here’s to vodka and pretty girls.” She grinned as she handed the bottle back, and Carmilla took a long drink. The cold no longer seemed as pressing, and she pushed Laura inviting her to a bonfire and then kissing another girl to the back of her mind._

_Feeling brazen, she leant forward and pressed her lips against the pretty girl’s. She tasted of vodka and lipstick, and kissed her back just as intently._

_“I’m Carmilla, by the way,” she said, pulling back briefly._

_“Ell.” She surged forward again and captured Carmilla’s lips._

_They only broke apart when shouting could be heard nearby. Apparently they weren’t the only ones who ignored sobriety._

_“Idiots,” Carmilla muttered._

_“Come on.” Ell stood and took her hand, pulling her into the trees and away from the shouting. She pressed Carmilla against a tree and kissed her, pulling at the back of her neck and slipped her hand under her coat. Carmilla ran her hands down Ell’s body, switching their positions and pushing her leg in between Ell’s. She smirked as she felt Ell gasp, moving her lips to her neck, then down between her shirt collar. Ell’s head hit the tree as she arched into Carmilla kissing down her body, then lifting her shirt and running her lips along her stomach._

_She was stopped by a sudden cry of “Oh my” from behind them._

_Sighing, Carmilla leant away from Ell and looked to the side._

_“Hi, Perry,” she said._

_“Carmilla.” Perry’s eyes were facing the sky and she looked like she wanted to be anywhere but there. “I was looking for you.”_

_Carmilla stood up and brushed off her knee. “I’m busy.”_

_“It’s your sister. She sent me to find you. She needs to talk to you.”_

_“Why?”_

_“She didn’t say.”_

_“You think maybe I can find her in a bit?”_

_“No.” Perry looked at her, pointedly avoiding Ell. “She said right now.”_

_Carmilla glanced at Ell, who nudged her to go with a smile. “Sounds important.”_

_“I’ll be back.”_

_“Who said I’ll be waiting.” But she said it with a smile, and Carmilla winked as she followed Perry._

_“This had better be really important,” she told her seriously._

_“Who was that?”_

_“None of your business.”_

_“Laura was looking for you.”_

_Carmilla was silent, glaring ahead._

_Perry said nothing else, and they came across Mattie sitting on a bench on a deserted street. Perry left them silently, and Carmilla stalked to her sister. She was about to make a snide comment, but saw the look on her sisters face and the suitcase by the legs and stopped._

_“What’s going on?” she demanded._

_“Sit down.”_

_“What’s going on?”_

_“I’m leaving.”_

_“What?”_

_“I can’t do it anymore. This town. Mother. I need to leave. I wanted to see you before I did.”_

_“I don’t understand.”_

_Mattie stepped forward to take Carmilla’s hand, but Carmilla stepped back._

_“You can’t leave.”_

_“I have to. And if you were smart you would do the same thing. Some people aren’t meant for dynasties and small towns.”_

_“Does mother know?”_

_“Of course not. Don’t you see, kitty. She sees us as commodities. As the continuation of her empire. We’re not children to her. And I can’t do it anymore.”_

_“Where are you going?”_

_Mattie smiled sadly. “I’m not sure yet. But listen to me, you need to get out as well. Nothing’s holding you here.”_

_Carmilla thought about math tutoring and a smile that was infectious. “I can’t.”_

_Mattie shook her head. “Take the girl with you if you have to. But get out, Carmilla.”_

_“What about Will?”_

_“Will’s the golden boy. He could choose to be anything and mother will support him.”_

_“And me?” Carmilla asked quietly._

_Mattie’s smile was genuine this time. “You will be fantastic,” she said with conviction. This time when she reached for Carmilla, her sister didn’t back away. Mattie pulled her into a tight hug. “I love you, little sister, don’t ever forget that.” She kissed her head, then picked up her suitcase and walked away. Carmilla watched her go, letting tears fall._

_When she returned to the trees Ell looked up from her phone. “Are you okay?”_

_Carmilla didn’t answer. She pushed Ell against a tree and kissed her until she forgot._

//

After Carmilla reading to the children again, Laura was taken to see one of the teachers. It felt uncomfortably familiar, getting into trouble because of something Carmilla did. She got a speech about what’s appropriate and what wasn’t, then was let go and found Carmilla outside the library.

“How did it go?”

“Frankenstein?” Laura asked incredulously.

“It teaches valuable lessons.”

“What, don’t build bodies? Children already know that, Carm.”

“It teaches that social interaction is important and locking yourself away will result in making some faulty choices.”

“Now you’re just making things up.”

Carmilla grinned. “You said to stop ruining beloved fairy tales. So I did.”

“I meant go down the Dr Seuss route. Not the Gothic Romantics.”

“Thanks to me there are a group of children well versed in the works of Poe.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good thing.”

“And you do not want to get me started on Seuss.”

“Can we just go eat?”

//

“You know I’ve escaped food poisoning here once already. I don’t know if I want to push my luck.”

“Stop complaining and eat your burger.”

Despite Carmilla’s complaining, Laura knew she enjoyed going back to Shifty’s. Her parents had taken them both there countless times, as breaks from studying or her father’s laziness when it came to cooking.

“Can this, in all good conscience, actually be called a burger?”

Laura flicked a chip at her, laughing when Carmilla eyed her dangerously.

“Not as good as your fancy New York food,” she teased.

“You know I could get food from every culture. Heavily bastardised food, but still. But I could not find a good burger.”

“Shifty has ruined burgers for you.”

“That must be it.”

It almost felt normal, being with Carmilla like this. Watching as she tried to not be amused by her teasing. Laura had held onto anger and betrayal like a defence, and now she wasn’t sure whether it was worth it anymore.

That train of thought was all but shattered when Carmilla’s phone rang and she reacted in a similar way to when it had at Perry and Lafontaine’s.

She barely managed to bite out a “sorry” before she was off outside the bar. Laura put her burger back down, suddenly out of appetite.

Carmilla returned a moment later, and the look on her face was enough to tell Laura their meal was over.

“Save it,” she said, when Carmilla was about to speak.

Carmilla narrowed her eyes. “You don’t even know what I’m going to say.”

“You have to do something. Or take a call. Or whatever.” Laura dug around in her pocket and produced some notes. “I’ll pay for my own food.” She pushed passed Carmilla, ignoring her as she followed.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this again,” she said, exasperated.

“Me?” Laura spun to face her.

“Stop thinking the worst of me.”

“I’m not.”

“You are. And yes, okay, I need to go and take care of something. But,” she said, stepping forward when Laura turned away. “I’m not leaving you again.”

She looked earnest, and sincere, and yet Laura knew she wouldn’t truly believe her. Not yet. The problem with familiarity, Laura realised, was that it felt like it had before Carmilla had left. Like they were progressing over to something.

She had forgiven Carmilla, that much she knew, but she hadn’t started to trust her yet.

“I’m sorry I pushed you for a date,” Carmilla said.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it pushing.”

“It was too soon. I get that. I just thought. There was so much time gone.”

“What if I can never get past it?” Laura said quietly, “What if it’s too much? What if we never work?”

Hurt filled Carmilla’s eyes, but she shook her head and smiled. “I’ll still be here. And we still have time. But maybe friends is a good idea for now.”

Laura smiled despite the aching in her chest. “You never admitted to us being friends.”

“You were never only a friend, that’s why.”

“You’ve got to stop with those.”

“You just line them up for me, cupcake.”

Carmilla was mimicking her smile. Laura noticed she was still holding her phone. “Go,” she said, nodding to it, “Sort out whatever it is you need to sort out. And be back at the library next week.”

“They still want me?”

“When a classroom full of children ask to read nineteenth century Russian authors, teachers see that as a good thing.”

//

_Things were weird between them. Something felt off with Carmilla, and Laura didn’t like it. It wasn’t just that Carmilla now seemed to have a girlfriend who lived in New York, and spent a lot of time texting and calling with her. It felt like something shifted, and Laura was going to fix it._

_Mattie had left and Carmilla’s mother became even more overbearing, and Laura wanted to make everything okay for Carmilla but couldn’t. So she’d settle with making it better._

_She knew Carmilla’s mother was out of town for the weekend due to business, and surprised Carmilla by coming around. Carmilla had smiled and welcomed her inside, but Laura could see something was wrong._

_“Are we okay?” she blurted out as Carmilla tried to cook. Will was somewhere, avoiding Carmilla’s attempts in the kitchen after she aimed a whisk at his head._

_“We?”_

_“Us. Me and you.”_

_“Why wouldn’t we be?”_

_“You seem different.”_

_“I’m just a bit stressed.”_

_“And I get that. And if you wanted to talk I’m here. And I know you’d probably talk to your girlfriend, but I’m just saying. If you wanted. To talk. I’m here.”_

_Carmilla waited out Laura’s rambling with a small smile. “Ell isn’t my girlfriend,” she said once she was sure Laura had finished._

_“Oh.”_

_“And I don’t really know what to talk about.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“But thanks.”_

_“No problem.”_

_“Things are different,” Carmilla said as she stirred a sauce. “But we’ll always be okay.”_

_“Good.” She nodded passionately, and Carmilla sniggered._

_The sauce started to spit._

_“Is it meant to do that?”_

_“Turn the heat down.”_

_“But then it won’t cook.”_

_“Down. Not off.”_

_Laura turned the gas down and the sauce settled. Carmilla hummed, impressed._

_“Is it safe?” Will’s head peered into the kitchen. “Oh, Laura, good. Then it won’t turn out so bad.”_

_“It’s a jarred sauce and spaghetti. I can handle it.”_

_“It’s nice that you think that.”_

_“Watch it, William.” Laura giggled as Will grinned. “Get some bowls, little brother. Stay for dinner?” she said to Laura, who nodded immediately. “And remember, if it’s bad, you lie. I don’t need to give my baby brother more fuel.”_

_They ate, Laura lied and said it delicious, and Will went back upstairs to do homework while Laura helped Carmilla clean up._

_“I’ve been distant,” she said, not looking up from the washing up bowl, “I know I have. I’m sorry.”_

_“You have a lot on your mind,” Laura assuaged her. “I get it. I just miss you.”_

_Carmilla grinned at that. “Not that we’re friends, of course.”_

_Laura flicked bubbles her way. “Never.”_


	5. Chapter 5

Her returned phone call took too long to be answered, and it didn’t help Carmilla’s already frayed nerves. She knew dealing with both Laura stuff and New York stuff was a dangerous mix for someone who consumed a lot of dairy and did very little exercise.

“Nice of you to ring back.”

“What the fuck, Spielsdorf. How did you get this number?”

Betty snorted on the other end of the line. “Could you sound more Sopranos?”

“I don’t like the fact that you’re ringing.”

“I got it off the nurse you’re paying to keep Danny a secret and not give your number out to anyone who asks.”

“Then how did you get it?”

“I asked nicely.”

“You threatened her.”

“Don’t worry, I’m the only person she’ll give it to.”

“Is Danny okay?”

“Yes. I mean, she’s in a coma. But other than that she’s flying.”

Carmilla closed her eyes in frustration. “What do you want?”

“To help you.”

“I severely doubt that.”

“Look, I think it’s nice that you’ve popped your friend somewhere safe so that she can get better, and flitted off to the back of beyond to reacquaint yourself with your long lost love, but we still have work to do, Carmilla.”

“Now who’s channelling the Sopranos.”

“Theo’s putting feelers out to find you.”

“I’m going to be real nice and assume that that isn’t a threat.”

“Oh, Carmilla.” Betty put on a heavy Italian accent, “If I was threatening you, you’d know about it.”

If Betty was nearby she could appreciate the full force of Carmilla’s glare, but she wasn’t, so Carmilla had to settle for sighing down the phone.

“So you haven’t sold us out to Theo.”

“Of course not. And, as a favour, you can help me out.”

“Can I say no?”

“I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“And then me and Danny are done with this. Paid off. Out.”

“You know, we should have gone into amateur theatre.”

“You’re annoying me.”

Betty laughed. It wasn’t cruel or mocking, but it annoyed Carmilla greatly. “I’m sending JP your way.”

“Not here you’re not.”

“Relax. It’s just JP. No one knows where you are, Carmilla.” Betty’s voice changed to something softer. “Or Danny. You’re both safe.”

“Fine. But does it have to be JP?”

“Be nice.”

“Not making promises.”

//

Carmilla waited at the bus station, remembering the last time she had been here. It had been sunny, and warm, and she had been holding a suitcase and doing what felt like the only thing she could. Now it was night and cold, and Carmilla couldn’t work out if a good or bad thing was about to happen.

“This better not be what it looks like.” Lafontaine’s voice interrupted Carmilla’s thoughts.

“Do you see any luggage?”

“You seem the type to travel light.”

Laf sat down next to her on the bench.

“Laura told me you just want to be friends with her at the moment,” they said.

“Brilliant.”

“You did the right thing.”

“Really? Because I thought I made her cry.”

“It’s not your time. It might have been back then, but you screwed it up.”

“You know why I left,” sighed Carmilla.

“Over bearing mother, a reputation you can’t live up to, a pretty girl in New York,” Laf listed, “But all I know is that my friend cried for months because you fucked off.” Laf’s tone wasn’t accusatory, more like they were just stating facts. “It’s not your time,” they repeated.

Carmilla glanced at them to find them fiddling with the band on their finger. She suppressed a smile. “When was your time with Perry?”

“When I took my head from my ass and accepted I loved my best friend.”

“My invitation must have got lost in the post.”

“I’ll be sure to print you another.”

“Are you happy?”

“Extraordinarily.”

“I’m glad,” Carmilla said sincerely.

They sat in silence for a moment, Lafontaine still winding the wedding ring around their finger.

“What are you waiting for?” they asked.

“A friend. He’ll be staying with me for a few days. We have stuff.”

“Stuff?”

“Stuff.”

“Still haven’t got over that attempt at being mysterious, I see.”

The headlights of the bus caused them both to squint.

“You know, I’ve never actually got on a bus,” said Lafontaine thoughtfully.

“Has anyone in this town?”

“Only you.”

“You’re not missing much.”

“Want to tell me about this friend?”

“Not even slightly.”

The bus stopped and a case toppled over, followed by a figure stumbling after it, smiling sheepishly.

Laf nearly gasped. “He looks like…”

“Yeah.” Carmilla gripped JP’s arm before he could trip over his feet again. The lights of the bus retreated as he struggled to right himself and his case. He stuck out his hand to shake, and Carmilla did so with a roll of her eyes.

“It’s very out the way,” he commented.

“You travel extensively, Jeep.”

“I didn’t know how long I would be here.”

“Hopefully not too long.”

“It’s cold.”

“Welcome to Silas.”

“I don’t believe you mean that.”

“Picked up on that, huh?”

Lafontaine watched the interaction. Carmilla almost seemed at ease, and Carmilla was rarely at ease around anyone.

“This is Lafontaine.” Laf’s attention was brought by Carmilla introducing them. They also shook the hand offered. “This is JP.”

Laf nodded. “What brings you here, JP?”

He looked at Carmilla before answering. “Stuff.”

“So I heard.”

“Why don’t you head that way.” Carmilla pointed JP in the direction of her house. “I’ll catch up.”

“Bye, Lafontaine.”

“Later.” Laf waited until he was out of earshot. “That is not someone I expected you to be friends with.”

“Don’t you have a fiancée to rush home to, braniac?”

“If I didn’t know better I would say you’re trying to get rid of me.”

“You always were the smart one.”

“Carmilla.” Laf gently touched Carmilla’s arm as she went to turn away. “What exactly is going on?”

“I can’t have a friend visit?”

“On a bus at night? No.”

“We talked about my mysteriousness, right?”

“If you’re in trouble…”

“Your concern is touching,” Carmilla cut them off, a hint of steel in her voice. “But it’s fine.”

“Yeah, seems it.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes and turned away. “Go home, Laf. Go be happy.”

//

_Laura ran. Away from the hospital, away from blood and screaming and the sound of her mother’s heart stopping. Tears blurred her vision, but she knew where she was running to._

_She hammered on the door until her fists hurt, sobs wracking her body. When it flew open she launched herself into arms that opened automatically for her, a voice that attempted to sooth and understand. She wept into Carmilla’s neck, attempting to gasp out the words but only causing the tears to fall harder._

_Carmilla held Laura, any previous residues of sleep gone. Words were lost to sobs, but Carmilla caught “car crash” and “mom” and “dead”, and held onto Laura as tight as she possible could._

_Laura didn’t remember the tears stopping, but soon she was clinging to Carmilla in the hallway, the door still open and letting in a breeze. She lifted her head from her shoulder and looked into eyes that were also tracked with tears. She remembered tutor sessions and comfort and reassurance that there was nothing wrong with her, and knew that Carmilla probably loved Sarah Hollis too._

_The thought caused tears again, and this time Carmilla kicked the door closed before leading them to the living room. She sat Laura down and knelt in front of her, her hands never leaving Laura, holding onto her somehow._

_“Cupcake?” Laura sniffled and raised her head to look at Carmilla. Her heart hurt more than she thought was possible. “What happened?” Her voice was gentle and coaxing._

_Laura chocked it out. The car crash her parents were in coming back from a meal. Getting a phone call and being taken there by Laf’s parents. Her father being taken into surgery, returning hours later with the news he may never walk. Hearing her mother’s heart stop beating._

_The tears came again and Carmilla rose to the couch, pulling Laura into her. She rocked her gently, stroking her hair and telling her it will be okay, she’ll be okay, they’ll be okay. When Laura dropped off into a fitful sleep, Carmilla kept hold of her, and let herself cry._

//

“Who’s that with Carmilla?”

“A friend, apparently.”

“He looks like…”

“Yeah it’s weird.”

“Why is he here?”

“Stuff.”

Perry looked away from the café, where Carmilla sat outside with JP, and at Lafontaine with a raised eyebrow. “Stuff?”

“We still don’t know exactly what Carmilla has been up to since she’s been gone.”

They watched Carmilla as she listened to whatever JP was saying. He was talking animatedly, and it seemed like Carmilla was people watching with disinterest. But her head was tilted slightly towards him and a small smile graced her face.

“You say that like you think it’s something suspicious.”

“Phone calls that make her panic. A visitor in the dead of night.”

“It was eight o’clock.”

“In Silas that’s the dead of night.”

“I think you’re being unnecessarily suspicious.”

“I think Karnstein has always been somewhat of a mystery. She went to New York for more reasons than her mother and a pretty girl.”

Perry shrugged and turned away from Carmilla. “Whatever it is we mustn’t pry. Laura likes having her back. And I know you like having her back too.”

“Of course.”

“Then whatever it is she’s doing we leave her too it. We don’t get involved.” She looked Laf dead in the eye. “Agreed.”

“Absolutely and completely.”

//

“So what are you and Karnstein up to?” Lafontaine corner JP as he was leaving the grocery store. They stood in his way and his eyes darted around him. “And don’t say stuff.”

“This is something you should speak to Carmilla about.”

“See, I would love to, but she does this thing where she’s an asshole and impossible to talk to. So I’m asking you. Nicely.”

They were smaller then him, JP noticed, but was smiling in a way that indicated they could beat him and knew it.

“Leave the poor guy alone, Laf.” JP sighed in relief as Carmilla approached behind them. She seemed more amused than anything. “You’re going to give him an aneurism.”

Lafontaine shot Carmilla a look. “I know you’re up something. And Perry and I would like to know what it is.”

“She told you to stay out of it, didn’t she?”

“Explicitly. Now tell me.”

Carmilla grinned broadly. She glanced at JP over Laf’s shoulder, raising her eyebrows in question. He shrugged.

“What?” Laf bristled at the silent conversation.

“Want to help us break into a church?”

//

“This is a new low.”

“If you’re going to complain you can go home.”

“We’re three hours away from Silas.”

“You said you wanted to come.”

“I thought you were joking.”

“How is that even remotely funny?”

Lafontaine had never felt particularly close to God. But after watching Carmilla pick the church door’s lock and was told to keep watch, they felt even more out of touch with religion.

“Is this what you do in New York?” they asked.

“It’s not always churches. You’d better be focusing. How would you like to explain to Perry that you were arrested breaking into a church?”

They would not like it at all, and resolved to glare out the window with renewed vigour.

“What exactly is he doing?” JP was rooting around in the back room somewhere. He had brought cables and a hard drive with him, and Lafontaine was quickly regretting their part.

“Looking for anything dodgy on the Pastor’s computer.”

“I want you to be joking.”

“I’m not.”

Laf looked from the window and at Carmilla, who had a small smirk and was flipping through a bible, her feet on the pews.

“Why am I here again?” Laf demanded.

“So I can relax.”

“I don’t feel like this is a three man activity.”

“At least you rode a bus for the first time.”

“Why are you looking for something dodgy in a church?”

Carmilla sighed and swung her legs off the pews, throwing the bible onto the seat next to her. Laf rolled their eyes. Carmilla seemingly hadn’t lost her flare.

“Because that’s what we do. We find the things people want to keep hidden, then sell them on. Pastor James has a taste for prostitutes. That would seriously affect the whole sins of the flesh thing he preaches. We then give that information to a third party.”

“We? You have a crew?”

“I wouldn’t call it a crew.”

“Seriously?”

“Well I can hardly hack things, can I? I can barely tell the time.”

“I almost don’t believe you.” Laf turned their attention back to the window. If it wasn’t Carmilla, Lafontaine would suspect they were part of an elaborate prank. They heard Carmilla sigh deeply behind them.

“Look, leaving Silas meant leaving any claim I had to anything Karnstein. I had no money, and this was how apparently how Ell could afford a two bedroom apartment in New York.”

“So you decided to join her blackmail squad.”

“It’s a not a squad either. It was me, Ell, JP, and a couple of others. I’m not exposing government secrets here.”

“Why did you bring this to Silas?”

“I didn’t.” The anger in Carmilla’s voice made Laf turn to her. “It was never meant to.”

“Are you running away from this? Is that why you’re back?”

Carmilla sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “Something happened. And I’m not going to tell you what, before you ask. We’ve shared too much already, it’s making me itchy. It’s been planned to get away for a while, me and a friend. Plans just got moved up and slightly side tracked.”

“Where’s this friend now?”

“As I’ve said, we’ve shared too much already.”

“Why did you tell me all this?”

Carmilla shrugged. “No idea. You’ve always been easy. Not so quick to judge.”

Lafontaine thought about what Perry would say if she knew about what Carmilla was doing. “I’m going to have to tell Perry,” they said, slightly guiltily, “I know it’s not my place but…”

Carmilla waved a hand. “No secrets or lies. But you’re complicit now, remember.”

Laf stared at her hard. “Is that why you invited me?” they demanded.

“Just a perk.” Carmilla had the audacity to laugh. “Relax. If we get caught I’ll keep your part to a minimum. You’ll do a few years at the most.”

“You’re not as funny as you think you are.”

//

_Carmilla found Laura in the small clearing near her house. After a touching funeral, where Laura’s dad had choked back tears as he made a speech and Laura had stood beside him, tears silently streaming as she stared at the coffin that held her mother, Carmilla had lost track of her. She’d guessed she would have been in same place they had been going for three years._

_“Hey,” Carmilla said gently so as not to startle her, “You okay for company?”_

_Laura was holding onto the worn photo, looking down at it. Tears had long since dried up, but took no prompting when they wanted to come again. It seemed all she did these days was cry._

_She nodded to Carmilla, who sat behind her, legs either side. Laura leant back, relishing the comfort. Carmilla’s chin rested on Laura’s shoulder._

_“How old were you?” Carmilla asked. Laura flipped the photo to show her the back. “Five.” Carmilla couldn’t help but smile. “Have you grown since then?”_

_Laura laughed, but it felt wrong. They were still dressed in black, Laura’s dress was muddy at the bottom from where she had walked, and Carmilla’s trousers were frayed from searching._

_“She was telling me about sunflowers.” Laura held the photo up so Carmilla could see better. The little five year old was looking at her mother in wonder as she held up a flower and spoke. “Apparently they face the direction of fairies. Learning they actually face the direction of the sun was quite the experience. I accused the teacher of lying.”_

_Carmilla smiled into Laura’s hair. “You thought fairies were more realistic?”_

_“I thought my mother wouldn’t lie to me. Held a separate lesson to teach everyone how sunflowers pointed into the direction of fairies.”_

_The tears were threatening again, but Laura leant more into Carmilla, resting her head back against her shoulder._

_“I don’t know what to do now,” she confessed quietly. “I don’t know how this works.”_

_Carmilla had been young when her own father died, too young remember the apparently kind man who had her hair and eyes. Whose death had done something to her mother and her sister that wasn’t able to be reversed._

_She closed her eyes and pressed her lips to Laura’s neck. “It will be okay,” she said, with more conviction than she felt. “Your mother was astounding. You’re astounding. And I promise you it will be okay.”_

_She opened her eyes to find that Laura’s were closed, her head slightly tilted. She gently kissed Laura’s shoulder, then leant her chin back down._

_“Carmilla.” Laura’s eyes still hadn’t opened and she spoke so lightly if she wasn’t right by the ear Carmilla may not have heard. “Do that again.”_

_Laura’s head was leant away, exposing more of her neck. Carmilla’s arms tightened involuntarily. “Laura,” she said quietly._

_“Please.” Laura cut her off before she could speak._

_Carmilla brushed her lips over Laura’s shoulder, then further up her neck, placing a chaste kiss below her ear. She kissed again, a little harder, on a point just below that made Laura breathe out heavily. Laura turned her head so their noses brushed to kiss the edge of Carmilla’s mouth. Carmilla was aware, somewhere, that this wasn’t the time to kiss Laura. But soon Laura’s lips had captured her own, and Carmilla couldn’t think clearly until she felt moisture on her cheeks and realised Laura was crying again._

_She broke the kiss just as the sobs started, and Laura turned so her face was buried in Carmilla’s neck and she could encircle the body of the girl in front of her. Carmilla pulled her tighter as Laura cried._

//

Perry's expression, and the iron grip she had on Carmilla’s arm as she dragged her from the counter and to the backroom indicated that Laf had confessed what they had done earlier that week.

JP had left two days ago, promising to wire her share once he received payment, and Lafontaine had looked stricken when they were told they had earned a share.

"I don't want your illegal money!"

"There's no need to shout."

Carmilla let Perry manhandle her away, relenting on breaking fingers because Perry looked angry enough to break them back.

"How dare you get my fiancée involved in blackmail."

"How about you don't poke me in the chest."

"Whatever it is you're bringing here it needs to stop."

Anger at the whole damn situation blossomed. "I didn't bring anything. It was a little bit of breaking and entering. It’s not like they needed much persuasion. I didn't come back to cause trouble, Perry, I came back because I needed to get away from it."

"So you are running away."

"I'm running away from that but I'm running to here. To Laura."

"Never take Lafontaine with you again."

"They were pretty bad at it anyway."

"And you need to tell Laura. If you two are going to start anything she needs the whole story."

"You're being awfully demanding."

"Carmilla."

"I know. I will."

Perry sighed and the angry look started to dissipate. "Are you in danger? Is that why you're running."

"You people need to stop being concerned about me."

"I get it why you left. Laf and Laura, they never did. To them anything beyond this town was just background."

"It wasn't always to Laura."

"Things changed. The accident."

"I know."

"I'd have left. If I could." Perry said it like a confession.

"There's still time."

"Lafontaine's happy here. Our life is here."

"Your life can be anywhere. And as for Laf, get them on a bus. They loved it."

//

"So you blackmail people?"

"No. I sell stuff to the people who do the blackmailing."

"You say that like it's better."

"Isn't it?"

Laura frowned, fiddling with her mug. The cafe was closed and empty and Carmilla had invited Laura to talk. Things had been bordering on awkward between them, and Carmilla couldn't see how her confession was going to make things better. But Perry was right. If she wanted anything with Laura she couldn't keep secrets.

"And you took Laf with you to break into a church?"

"I would have invited you but I know you work late on Tuesdays."

"I know you think you're funny."

Carmilla felt barely any guilt for what she did. She never had. But Laura had always had a more obvious moral compass than her, not one to look too hard for the grey.

"And Ell did this?"

"Yes."

"Did you know that before you left?"

"Which answer will make you feel better?"

"I'm not sure," Laura confessed quietly.

"I did know."

Laura nodded, gauging how this made her feel. "I think that's better."

"It is?"

"At least you had some sort of plan. It was a terrible one. But you weren't leaving blind." She nodded again. "You had some idea where you were going."

"Okay."

Carmilla watched Laura carefully for any sign she was going to explode or run.

"You were expecting me to judge, weren't you?"

"A little," Carmilla confessed.

"I'm not.”

"You would have," she said with a fond smoke, remembering how often Laura tried to be Carmilla's moral compass.

"Maybe I've change."

"Maybe."

"I'm judging a little."

"Anyone would."

“And the phone calls?”

Carmilla hesitated, taking a sip of her coffee to delay answering. “My friend got hurt. We messed with the wrong people, went back on a deal when we realised the guy we were selling to didn’t have the best motives.”

“The best motives for blackmail?”

“That sounded judgey.”

“Sorry.”

“He was going to hurt people. I don’t care that some rich guys have to pay out for having affairs, but I do draw the line somewhere.”

“I wasn’t being judgey.”

“My friends currently in a coma. I’m paying off a nurse to keep it quiet if anyone comes asking. She’s to phone is anything happens.”

“People are after you?”

“You make it sound so dramatic.”

“Carm.”

Carmilla sighed. Her coffee was now finished so she distracted herself with cleaning the ring off the table. “Someone’s handling it. It’s fine.”

“Is that why you came back?” Laura asked timidly. She’d known there had to be more of a reason for Carmilla’s return.

“Partly.” Carmilla confessed. “It’s a good place to lay low. I don’t think people even believe this place exists. But there are other reasons.” She didn’t expand. She didn’t really need to. She felt drained from confessions.

“Your friend,” Laura said, thankfully diverting the conversation, “Is she going to be okay?”

Carmilla shrugged. “I hope so. She has a bad head injury but…” Another shrug as she drifted off.

They were left in silence, Laura nodding slowly like she was thinking of more questions to ask.

“Thank you for telling me,” she said finally.

“No more secrets. Now that we’re friends and everything.”

Laura looked up to find Carmilla smiling, but the familiar heaviness in her eyes. “Right. Friends.”

//

The phone woke Carmilla, who threw herself across the bed with the sole goal of shutting it up.

“It’s Sunday morning. What?” she snapped into the offending cell.

“You know,” said a voice casually on the other end, “When I got violently attacked, I didn’t expect my friend to flit off to some backward town to reunite with their long lost love.”

Carmilla sat up quickly. “Lawrence?”

“You’re an idiot, Karnstein.”

Carmilla, knowing that Danny couldn’t see her and tease her for caring, let a grin develop.

“Finally woke up then.”

“Was the best nap I’ve had.”

“How’re you feeling?”

“Apart from the constant headache and broken bones, just dandy.”

“Danny.”

There was a pause on the other end. “I’m okay. Glad to be alive. What exactly happened?”

“Found you after Theo’s goons got you. Took you to the hospital.” She didn’t mention dragging Danny into her car, covered in blood and not moving, only to drop her off at the doorstep and speed away at the hope of not being noticed or questioned. “Paid off a nurse to keep quiet and keep me informed.”

“Nurse Tyler. Lovely woman.” It was said sarcastically, and Carmilla grinned more.

“I don’t think I’ve ever once been happy to hear from you,” she said casually.

“Please. You’re using your hard earned hereditary fortune on me. Don’t play coy.”

“When did you wake up?”

“A few days ago.”

“Glad to see my fortune is paying off the right nurse.”

“How’s the town?”

“Still shitty.”

“And the girl.”

“Still wonderful.” Danny snorted. “You should come visit.”

“I’d love to, but there’s the small matter of the head injury I told you about.”

“You remember the year is 2030 right?”

“Who was it that told you you were funny, exactly?”

“I’ll come get you. Silas is perky. You’re going to hate it.”

“Stay where you are.”

Carmilla held the phone to her ear with her shoulder as she began to throw stuff into a bag. “The only decent place to eat has had more health scares than is strictly acceptable, so I hope you like salmonella.”

“Karnstein.” Danny’s voice held a warning.

“Look.” Carmilla paused, switching ears. “Betty got in touch. Theo’s still after us. He knows you’re going to have to be at a hospital somewhere, and while you were some anonymous coma patient it was fine. But not you’re awake and coherent. Tyler can’t keep you hidden forever.”

“What did Betty want?”

“Doesn’t matter. We’re nearly out. Now it’s just a matter of keeping us both alive until we are.”

“And you think your town is the place to do that?”

“It’s a good place to hide.”

“To hide, or win back girls.” Danny had a smile in her voice.

“Places can be two things.”

“I still think it’s safer to stay put where we are.”

“And I’m paying your hospital bills and, out of the two of us, am the only one without a severe head injury.”

Danny was silent for a while. “How shitty are we talking?”

“There are three bars.”

“What do you do with your time?”

//

Carmilla walked into the bookstore with a bag over her shoulder, and Laura’s stomach plummeted. It evidently showed on her face, as Carmilla grimaced then steeled herself, gesturing for Laura to come round the counter to her.

Laura resolved to let Carmilla talk or explain and not jump to any conclusions that would jeopardise what they had.

It was hard when Carmilla struggled to throw the bag on a chair and turn to face Laura.

“Going somewhere?” Laura said, trying to keep it light.

“My friend woke up.”

“What?”

“Danny. She woke up.”

Laura didn’t expect the conversation to head that way. “Okay. Good.” It occurred to Laura that Carmilla had just been waiting in Silas until her friend was awake and she could return.

“I’m going to New York to get her,” Carmilla continued, seeing Laura’s line of thought playing out across her face, “But I’m coming back.” Laura still didn’t say anything. “I mean it.”

“I believe you.” Laura said. And she did. Carmilla looked earnest and sincere and Laura believed she would come back.

“You do?”

“You sound surprised.”

“I’m happy.”

“You’re going to bring your friend back with you?”

Carmilla nodded. “She’s going to hate it but doesn’t really have a say in a lot of things, what with the head injury and all.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Will you phone this time?”

“Every day.”

“That’s a lot. We don’t want to run out of things to talk about,” Laura grinned at making Carmilla laugh. “When you get back,” she said, tapping a rhythm with her fingers, “Maybe we can try something.”

“Zumba?”

“Be serious.”

“I learnt how to cook.”

“How?”

“Practice.”

“Were there enough hours in the day?”

“I’ll cook you something,” Carmilla grinned, not put off by Laura’s disbelief. “And maybe we can see if this something works.”

“I trust you now.”

“That’s why I’m happy.”

“When’s your bus?”

“Fifteen minutes.”

“I’ll walk you there.”

//

Carmilla kept her promise and rang every day. She got a hotel under a fake name and spent all her time either at the hospital or on the phone to Laura. They had time to talk now, and eight years is a long time.

Danny looked terrible, a fact Carmilla had no problem pointing out frequently, but the doctors were impressed by her progress. There were a lot of tests, and Carmilla was starting to get antsy the longer they stayed there. Danny told her to go home, but Carmilla was adamant. Leaving Danny alone had got her beaten in the first place, this time she resolved that they both would make it out.

Finally the doctor came round to say that Danny could be discharged. Carmilla lingered in the hallway while papers were signed, rolling her eyes when she saw Nurse Tyler approach her.

“Thanks for letting me know she woke up,” Carmilla muttered once the nurse was close enough.

“It was touch and go for a while. Didn’t want to give you false hope.” Carmilla frowned. Danny hadn’t mentioned anything about touch and go. “Anyway, I’m still owed one last payment.”

“You’ll get it.”

“Will I get in trouble for this?”

“From the hospital? Probably.”

“From whoever you’re hiding from.”

“Should have asked that five months ago.”

Danny appeared then, stubbornly glaring at the attendant who held a wheelchair. Carmilla smirked.

“I’m not getting in that.”

“Maybe we can have a race.”

She glared at Carmilla, then at Nurse Tyler over her shoulder who started to step away.

“Been a pleasure,” Carmilla called to her as she left. She turned to Danny. “Touch and go?”

“She’s exaggerating. Don’t make a big deal of this.”

//

_Ell sat behind Carmilla, legs either side, as she struggled with her math homework._

_“I must say.” Ell leant her chin on her shoulder. “I don’t miss homework.”_

_Carmilla hummed in response, focused on the question._

_“And apparently college homework is even worse, so glad I missed out on that too.”_

_“Ell,” Carmilla said carefully. “I know you’ve only got the weekend, but I really need to get this done.”_

_Carmilla had been staring and scribbling at the same questions for almost half an hour. “Maybe I can help.” Ell focused on the questions, and Carmilla stiffened in front of her. “This seems…”_

_“Easy?” Carmilla untangled herself and stood up, throwing her book to the side. “Like eight grade math? Because it is.”_

_“I wasn’t going to say that.” Ell shifted to the edge of the bed, watching Carmilla carefully. “But I can help if you wanted to get it done quicker.”_

_“I have to get it done on my own.”_

_“Says who?”_

_The answer was Laura, but Carmilla wasn’t going to say that. “I’m going to be while. You can go and see your aunt if you want.”_

_“I came to see you.” Ell picked up the book. “You want to know the first answer?”_

_Carmilla tried not to get prickly about how quick Ell figured it out. “No.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“Is it seven?”_

_“Not even close.”_

_“I’m not good at math.”_

_Ell smiled. She was pretty and nice and had been visiting Carmilla regularly for the past six months. “How exactly did you get seven?”_

_“It doesn’t matter.” Carmilla took the book from her hands and pushed her back onto the bed, hovering over her. “You’re nicer to look at anyway.”_

_Still smiling, Ell leaned up to kiss her. Her shirt was halfway off when Carmilla’s phone started ringing._

_Carmilla sat up, recognising the ring, and felt guilty. Ell tilted her head from below her._

_“Hollis?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“She has her own ringtone?”_

_Carmilla coloured. “She set it up.”_

_Ell laughed lightly. “You got it bad, Karnstein.”_

_Carmilla didn’t answer, standing and going to the dresser to get her phone. It stopped ringing as she reached it, and a moment later a text from Laura appeared._

_“She wants to see how my homework is going.” Carmilla couldn’t help the disappointment._

_“I think that might be an excuse to talk to you.”_

_Carmilla shrugged and sent back it was fine. She put the phone back and went to Ell, sitting so she straddled her lap. She kissed her._

_“You should ring her back.”_

_“Does talking about my math tutor turn you on?”_

_“We both know she’s more than that.”_

_“Ell.”_

_“Look, Carm, we’re not falling in love here. It’s fine. It’s sex. But you’ve got it for that girl.”_

_“We kissed.”_

_Ell leant back onto her hands, grinning. “When?”_

_“After her mom’s funeral.”_

_“Oh.”_

_“It was bad.”_

_“This kiss?”_

_“The timing.”_

_“Yeah.” Ell moved her hands to Carmilla’s thighs and ran her nails along them. “Could have been better.”_

_Carmilla closed her eyes as Ell’s hands moved under her shirt and along her ribs. “You tell me to get the girl, and then touch me like that?”_

_“What can I say, I’m a complicated person. Have you kissed since?”_

_“No.”_

_“Have you talked about it?”_

_“I’ve tried to. She’s ignoring it.”_

_Ell moved so Carmilla was on the bed and she was hovering over her. “Do you want me to stop visiting?”_

_“Do you plan on falling in love with me?” Carmilla asked with a smile._

_Ell grinned back and leant forward to kiss her. This time her shirt was removed without interruption, and Carmilla’s soon followed._

_“Is she the only thing that’s keeping you here?”_

_Carmilla pulled back. “What?”_

_“I know you hate it. Your mother. The pressure. You tell me regularly. If it wasn’t for Laura would you leave?”_

_“Why are you asking me this?”_

_Ell shrugged and leant down for a kiss again. “I have a proposal.”_

_“I thought we weren’t in love?”_

_Ell rolled her eyes. “Behave. I can get you work in New York, if you want to come back with me sometime.”_

_“What?”_

_“Leave it behind. Whatever is in this town that causes whatever darkness you have in you, leave it behind.”_

_“Work?”_

_“With me.”_

_“And the shady stuff you do?”_

_“Who said it was shady?”_

_“You. Every time I ask.”_

_Another shrug and another kiss, before Ell pulled back. “It’s just an offer. I won’t mention it again. But it’s there.”_

_Carmilla just nodded and pulled Ell down on top of her._

 


	6. Chapter 6

“I think it’s straight,” Kirsch commented as Laura restacked another pile of books. “And aren’t you closed?”

“If I don’t do things with my hands I start to think. And if I start to think I start to imagine Carmilla not coming back.”

“I thought you trusted her now?” Lafontaine was pretending to be listening to Perry showing them tablecloth swatches.

“I do. And it’s irrational, because I know all her stuff is here and her job is here.”

“And you’re here.”

“So she will be coming back.”

“Trust takes time,” Perry said, moving the pieces of cloth around and pretending not to notice Lafontaine’s disinterest. “I think you two are doing the right thing. Waiting for it to grow before you start anything again.”

Everyone always spoke like she and Carmilla had had some epic romance before she had left the first time. Apparently they were only people who hadn’t realised they were doing some form of dating.

Laura’s phone lit up and she snatched it off the desk. A bright smile broke out as she read the text. “She’s coming back tomorrow morning.”

“See.” Kirsch realigned the books Laura has knocked over in her haste.

“I’m going to call her.”

Laura went into the back room as the phone rang. When Carmilla answered she sounded tired but happy.

“Hey.” Laura spoke quietly. Carmilla’s end had no background noise. “Where are you?”

“Motel. Going to get the earliest bus tomorrow. I would have rang sooner.”

“It’s okay. How’s your friend?”

“Not too bad. Isn’t excited about Silas.”

“But we have a whole three bars and a closed down cinema.”

“Madness, right?”

“How are you?”

Carmilla took a moment to answer. “Looking forward to getting back.”

“What are you going to do now?”

Another silence. “I think I know. But we’ll talk when I get home, okay.”

“Carmilla. We talked about secrets.”

“This is the last time I’ll ever ask you to trust me without knowing what’s going on.”

Laura didn’t feel good about it, but let it go. “What are you going to cook me?” she asked instead.

“I can still feel some doubt.”

“Should I have takeout on hand just in case?”

“You know what, Hollis.”

Laura giggled. “You sound tired.”

“I am.”

“I’ll hang up and let you sleep.”

“Don’t do that. I’m not that tired.”

“Goodnight, Carm.”

“Night, Laura.”

//

_Laura lay with on her side, Carmilla curled around her. She threaded her fingers with Carmilla, smiling as it caused her to shuffle closer. Her lips pressed, almost unconsciously, onto the back of Laura’s neck. She mumbled sleepily, letting Laura know that she was still vaguely awake. A lot of nights were spent like this recently, with Laura sometimes crying, Carmilla sometimes unnaturally quiet. But it was comfortable and familiar, and Laura didn’t like to spend nights alone anymore._

_“Hey.” She rolled over so she was on her back. Carmilla’s arms fell across her stomach and stayed gripped to her hand. She hummed in Laura’s ear. “Why haven’t you kissed me?”_

_Carmilla’s eyes opened slowly, a small frown furrowing her brow. “Why haven’t I…?”_

_“Kissed me.”_

_“Was I supposed to?”_

_Laura couldn’t help but smile at how confused Carmilla looked. “Yes. I did it first time.”_

_“I was waiting.”_

_“For what?”_

_“You.”_

_“How long were you planning on doing that?”_

_“I’ve been doing it for years. A bit longer didn’t seem too bad.”_

_Carmilla’s dark eyes were slightly cloudy with sleep but still pierced into Laura. She turned fully on her side so they were facing each other._

_“You can stop waiting now.”_

_Carmilla moved forward and kissed Laura gently. One hand cupped her cheek and the other threaded through her hair. Laura pulled Carmilla flush against her, then on top of her._

_In three days Carmilla would phone her in the middle of the night, voice panicked and barely making sense. She would ask her to run away, to leave it all behind and start something new. Laura would refuse, and would wake up the next morning to a life without Carmilla Karnstein in it._

//

Laura let the arm holding the lava lamp drop when she saw who was trying to climb through the bedroom window.

“Seriously?” she said, throwing it open.

Carmilla smiled sheepishly. “I used to it all the time. Thought it was cute. Has your window gotten smaller?”

“I think you’ve gotten bigger.”

“Could be it.”

She accepted Laura’s hand to help her in. Laura didn’t even try and contain the joy at seeing her, throwing her arms around her once she had stepped down safely.

“You know my dad isn’t even in,” she said into Carmilla’s hair.

“I know.” She pulled back and grinned at Laura. “I missed you.”

“Sap.”

“It’s weird being back here.” Laura’s room had been redecorated, but everything was still in its same place. “It’s less nerdy.” Laura went over to the closet and opened it. “Except for in there. That is very nerdy.”

“How was your journey?” Laura pulled Carmilla down on the bed to lie next to her.

“Long. Busses are the worse.”

“And your friend?”

“Already complaining. Given her some pain pills and hoping she stays unconscious for a while.” She pushed herself up so she was leaning on her elbows, looking down at Laura. Her eyes flickered down to her lips, and she traced her thumb across her cheekbones. “Remember the last time we were here?”

“Yes.”

“Have I said I’m sorry?”

“No.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Laura nodded slowly. Carmilla leant down and pressed her lips to Laura’s. It was chaste and quick and nothing like what she wanted to do, but still felt like everything.

“I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you.”

“Tomorrow I’ll cook you dinner.” Carmilla laughed at Laura’s change in expression. “Don’t look so apprehensive.” She lay down so her head was tucked into Laura’s neck, smiling as arms pulled her closer. “I told you. I’m good now.”

//

_Carmilla sat cross legged on the bed, watching Ell throw the final few things in a bag. She was unsure how she felt, but it was far from happy. Ell straightened up and looked around._

_“I think that’s everything,” she said, doing up the bag and throwing it over her shoulder. “If I forget anything will you send it to me?”_

_“Of course.”_

_“Thanks.”_

_“You don’t have to go.”_

_Ell smiled at her sadly. “I don’t want to uproot you.”_

_“It was your apartment.”_

_“It’s okay. My new one is much bigger.”_

_She smiled again, tilting her head at Carmilla._

_“It’s okay,” she repeated._

_“It’s not.”_

_Carmilla followed her out of the bedroom and into the living room, leaning on the counter while Ell scanned the apartment. Her art was still on the walls and whatever cushions she always brought, despite Carmilla’s protests, still adorned the sofa, but there was less clutter and half of the bookshelves were empty._

_Ell placed her bag next to her cases and turned to face Carmilla._

_“It will be.”_

_“You don’t have to go,” Carmilla tried again._

_“I really do.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because.” Ell approached Carmilla and stood between her legs, pushing her hair from her eyes and leaning their foreheads together. “You made me fall in love with you, you bastard.” She said it with a smile, though her eyes were shining. Carmilla closed hers so she didn’t have to see. “And that wasn’t supposed to be part of the deal.”_

_“I do love you.”_

_“I know.” Ell gently gripped her chin and kissed her, causing Carmilla to open to her eyes. “But not like her.”_

_Carmilla shook her head. “It’s been three years.”_

_“You still love her.”_

_“It doesn’t matter.”_

_“It really does. And you’re never going to be happy unless you either get over her or get her back.”_

_“I was happy with you.”_

_“Not truly happy. There’s a difference. And I’ll never be truly happy being in love with someone who is in love with someone else.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_Ell kissed her again, this time with more force. Carmilla’s hands moved to her back and pulled her forward, but Ell broke the kiss and leant back. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”_

_“She was never mine to begin with.”_

_“She can be.”_

_Carmilla shook her head. “I don’t want you to go.”_

_After a final kiss Ell stepped back. “I have to.”_

_Carmilla sighed and closed her eyes, gripping the edge of the counter. “I know,” she whispered._

_A kiss was pressed against her forehead and she was pulled into a hug. “Be happy,” Ell said into her hair._

_“You too.”_

_Ell didn’t look back as she picked up her bag and case and left the apartment. Carmilla sunk onto the sofa and let herself cry._

//

“You could help, you know.”

“I have a head injury.” Danny looked away from the row of paintings on the living room wall to where Carmilla was throwing things into a box. “Are you keeping these?” She gestured to the paintings of the stern Karnstein’s looking down at them.

Carmilla shrugged. “Throw them, probably. Unless you know anyone wanting to buy four generations worth of family portraits.”

“I can ask around but I doubt it. Do you have one?”

“No. They get done at twenty one. I already had a lucrative blackmail career by that stage.” She scanned the paintings. All dark haired and regal looking. “I think I’ll keep Will’s,” she added quietly. “Won’t hang it up, that would be weird. But I’ll keep it.”

Danny nodded silently. She refused to use crutches, and used the couch and chairs as leverage to keep her standing as she moved. “What the hell do we do now?” she sighed, sinking into a chair and massaging her temples.

Carmilla straightened up from where she was deciding whether to keep and expensive looking vase or sell it. “I told you. Lay low. Betty will make it all blow over. Then we can all do whatever we want, as long as we’re subtle about it.”

“And you trust Betty?”

“I trust that she’s getting a lot of money and will get a lot more once I’m sure we won’t be killed.” She opted on sell, and placed it carefully in a box labelled that.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Danny asked.

Carmilla sighed. “I thought we went through this.”

“It’s your family house.”

“Yes, my dead or absent family. I don’t want to keep it. I don’t want anything in it. There’s a lot of money in the Karnstein name, and apparently in the Karnstein house.” Danny still looked unsure and slightly guilty. “I would have sold it anyway. Getting us out is just an added bonus. And once this blows over your share will get you anywhere you want.”

“That’s another thing. My share?”

“You did get the shit beat out of you.”

“You don’t need to feel guilty about that.”

“That’s not why. It gets you out of my hair. Don’t need you sleeping on my couch because you can’t afford a place.”

“Ah, that’s why.”

“Purely selfish reasons.”

“Right.” Danny phone went off and she glanced down at it. She sighed heavily, standing up and heading to the hallway. “I best go. The tall idiot insisted on showing me around.”

“Kirsch,” Carmilla supplied with a grin. Danny waved a hand, indicating the name didn’t really matter. She was about to leave until Carmilla called her name. “Look, I’m only going to say this once, so make the most of it.” She took a deep breath. “I’m very glad you’re not dead, okay.”

Danny grinned. “Your girl’s making you soft, Karnstein.”

“Whatever. Try not to faint. The hospital is miles away.”

“Enjoy your date.”

“Enjoy yours.”

Danny grimaced. “Don’t even joke.”

//

_Carmilla watched from the car as the body was dragged from the water._

_“We did that,” she said._

_Danny’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “No. We didn’t.”_

_“Lawrence.”_

_She was silent, before sighing and letting her hands fall. “Okay, fine, we did. But he was a killer and a dealer, so it won’t be keeping me up at night.”_

_“But what if one day it isn’t a killer and a dealer.”_

_“What do you want to do? Go round politely asking the gangsters we do work for to not kill people.”_

_It hadn’t started like this. Ell had left and Carmilla had carried on what the two of them had always done. Now she’d picked the wrong client and someone was dead._

_“Quit,” she decided._

_Danny snorted a laugh. “I don’t think people like us just quit.”_

_“Do you want to carry on?”_

_Danny watched the scene with an unreadable expression. Finally she sighed. “No.”_

_“Then we quit.”_

_“How?”_

_Carmilla had been wondering how for a while. “Any pride that stops you from running away?”_

_“Absolutely none.”_

_“Remember I told you about my old town?”_

//

Laura knocked on Carmilla’s door, then rethought that idea and tried the bell. Carmilla answered, wearing a chef’s hat and apron.

“Cute,” remarked Laura.

“Got to look the part.”

She stepped back to let Laura in, who’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “It smells good.”

“I told you, I practiced.”

“What are you cooking?”

“Risotto.”

“You couldn’t even boil rice.”

Carmilla shrugged and led Laura into the kitchen. The smell just got stronger and more appetising as they walked, and Laura’s stomach began to grumble. She was glad she hadn’t filled up on bread beforehand, like she used to when Carmilla invited her around for dinner.

The risotto was on the stove and the table had a candle on it, and Laura beamed at the domesticity of the whole situation.

“What?” Carmilla asked. She even looked cute in a chef’s hat, and Laura couldn’t help but step forward and kiss her.

“Did you have to buy this or did you have one lying around?” She tapped the hat so it fell off, smiling as Carmilla blinked away the surprise at the kiss.

“I brought one with me.”

“Seriously?”

“I’m very committed to this joke. And as much as I would like to continue, if you don’t move your hand I’m going to be distracted and the risotto will burn.”

Laura took her hand from Carmilla’s waist, too committed to the smell of the food to try anything. She poured wine as Carmilla stirred.

“I saw boxes,” Laura said. She sounded casual, and Carmilla glanced to see her looking relaxed.

“I’m selling the house.”

The casualness faltered slightly as Laura nearly dropped her glass, but she recovered. “You are?”

“It’s too big. And it was never really home, anyway.”

“What about all the stuff in it?”

“Selling that too.”

“That’s going to be a lot of money.”

“I believe the correct economic term is a shit load.”

Laura laughed. “Where will you live?”

“Bernie’s selling his house.”

“The one by the river?”

Carmilla nodded. “He’s moving in with his son. I’m going to see it tomorrow, but I’m pretty sure I’ll take it.” She turned around, leaning against the counter to face Laura. “Want to come?”

“To look at it?”

“Yeah. Never know, you might be living there one day.”

“Someone’s pretty confident,” Laura smiled. “You haven’t even asked me.”

“And I will, one day. But we should probably try this dating thing first. And I know you wouldn’t want to just up and leave your dad.” Laura looked down. Carmilla turned the heat low and moved to Laura, trapping her against the counter. She rested her forehead against Laura’s. “This feels permanent. I’ve never really had that. You’ve been the only thing to ever make me feel that. And we have time, and a lack of obstacles, and I would very much like this to be permanent.”

Laura surged forward and kissed her, pulling her close. “Me too,” she whispered, and then grinned against Carmilla’s lips.

//

_Carmilla sat on the bus. She had no possessions but a backpack and very little money. Problems would no doubt follow her and she had people she needed to look after._

_As the driver announced that they had arrived at Silas, she couldn’t help the rush of excitement that filled her. She didn’t know what would happen, but she knew there was a girl in a bookstore that she couldn’t wait to see again._

 


End file.
